Umo Eno: No Regrets, No Expectations
I once wrote a scathing commentary on this my governor and a senior colleague, Etim Etim came at me. Edgar, that was rude, please recant. I sent him Maddtimes instead. Recant wetin? Unlike these turncoats, I am a man of conviction. I don’t cross carpet just like that, I stick to my principles and would rather be flogged in one position than mushy on the luscious breast of a slay queen with my convictions in tatters.
This our governor, from day one, I don dey look am with one kind eye. From the day he went to kneel to collect anointing from his predecessor, I had hissed and moved on.
Since his emergence, he has done nothing to prove me wrong. This his latest “follow, follow” move was long predicted.
Akwa Ibom people from day one knew that the day would come, so all these his elegant way of announcing his betrayal is beside the point. Whether PDP is like a plane or whatever it is he wants to term it, we are not surprised nor do we have any regrets because we expected nothing.
Mbok Akpaneke, come and do and go. If there is anything we in Akwa Ibom cannot stand is threats. We know how to call people’s bluff. Which one is “my movement is imminent, PDP is like a faulty plane?” Mbok Udo adukpo, if you want to go, just go make we see road. It’s not as if your being in PDP bettered the lot of the average Akwa Ibomite and as such, your sojourn to APC will not even put one single extra morsel of fufu on our plates.
All these movements of men of no conviction leave me with palpable excitement because freedom is near. Wait and see, just wait and see. You guys will say “and Edgar said it o.” Just dey look, e go soon happen.
Aisha Achimugu: A Pretty Woman of Trouble
That party was something else o. That party was the one that launched this beauty into national recognition. Everybody who was somebody went o, even my favourite governor disguise go the party but was outed by paparazzi.
Since that party, this divine creature has been on the radar so I was not surprised when her name started being mentioned in some very “odorous” circumstances.
Declared wanted by the EFCC for money laundering, among other such very embarrassing allegations leading to her arrest and the immediate order for release by the court, she is now a very powerful subject for discussions, especially relating to things of an Alausa nature.
What I am getting out of all of this is very simple. Is it that there is no real clean wealth again in this country as almost every wealth is tied to stealing, especially from the government purse?
Almost every billionaire na thief now. The sequence is strikingly the same – flaunting of wealth, huge parties, media promotion, philanthropy and the next thing EFCC.
Well, don’t let me say much, we are under bail when the matter ends, we will really look very closely at this woman and discuss her in real terms. For now, let me be quiet “make them no come beat me.”
Sim Fubara: Whispers in the Dark
“Edgar, Fubara don go beg.” That was the text I got from someone who should know. This was last month and I responded, “not true, Fubara can never beg.” The person replied, “I went to UNIPORT with almost all the characters on both sides. In fact, one of them was my roommate, Edgar, Fubara don go beg. He no only beg, he lie down for floor hold Wike leg dey beg.”
I said, “wait make I make calls.” I made calls and my sources debunked it. Not true, Fubara cannot beg. We die there.
My people, information reaching Nigerians as released by a credible media source – not THISDAY, has shown that Fubara no only go beg but he even vomit from too much crying.
Fubara don fall my hand o. How can he go and beg after fighting so courageously? If you knew that it is begging that will end this thing, why do you carry our hopes so far to the point that some of us nearly equated you to Nelson Mandela?
Well as at the time of writing, the report that you have gone back to beg your maker has not been refuted and as such I can feel free to say wetin really dey mind – very sad.
Not to worry, we will find another hero. Sooner than you know it. Even if it takes Ken Saro Wiwa to arise from his heroic grave, we will find a true leader worthy of our support. Thank you.
Ifeanyi Okowa: In Whose Best Interest?
Even this one with no electoral value or one pint of charisma is even saying that he is decamping in the interest of the people. Can this one even win one vote in his street?
Shebi we all knew how he emerged as governor, was it not as a result of the firm backing of people who understand politics? Shebi his own was just to bathe, wear cloth and go and take office after the people had done all of the work.
Did he deliver his ward or any house during his stint as Atiku’s running mate? A man with no colour, no position and a mere traveller in politics decamp because dem don shake am small.
Please sir, your movement is not in the interest of anybody bu § znt you, your family and whatever interest that concerns you.
You say you regret running with Atiku, they too regret running with you because na that your running that has put Nigeria where it is today.
If Atiku had not made the mistake of choosing you over Wike, PDP would not be the “mumu” party it is today, Rivers State would not be under any military rule and just maybe Emilokan would be in retirement today fighting to install his son in Lagos.
But as a result of your misadventure in that race, the whole of Nigeria is suffering and you really think we give a toss as to what or where you are going. Shebi you have gone to APC, oya go and deliver your village for them.
As my mama used to say – the light comes when the darkness goes. You have gone, see what happens next. Please use that una broom, sweep yourself away. Come and beat me.
Professor Peter Ogban: In the Thick of Shame
Once in a while, God used to send a signal of what He can do. He will just pick one person to show as an example in this ocean of corruption and avarice.
I think this is what is happening in this case. It is truly a miracle that this person is facing what he is facing with his “client” in power.
Furthermore, with the kind of judgements we have been getting which is making people scratch their heads and resort to “self-help,” this man is losing his fight for freedom in such a telling and colourful way.
He was reported to have been found guilty of rigging elections in favour of our most exciting Senate President. The case went on appeal where he lost again and this is truly very surprising, I swear.
In Nigeria of today? This shameless professor who decided to discard public trust in favour of whatever it is they gave him is losing a case when his principal is not only in power but firmly in very strong power.
If it is not God, what else can we call it? I can only imagine what or how he would be feeling seeing his client hobnobbing with international leaders at the Pope’s burial and moving in very long motorcades while he is struggling with scabies in prison. Abeg, when he comes out he should write his biography, it will really be an exciting read. Kai.
Emeka Okonkwo: It’s Not a Tribe Thing
He calls himself E-Money and he was arrested by the EFCC over naira mutilation charges. Immediately this happened, several highly influential figures on social media went on the offensive – ohh it is an Igbo thing. They screamed, it’s another way of emasculating the Igbo man.
One very popular social media influencer went even as far as asking whatever happened to the Okoya boys who were also accused of the same issue. He went further to allege that it is really Obi Cubana that they are after and that he was surprised they got to E-money first.
I don’t really know if there is an untoward motive by those who arrested him, but in a sane world, these billionaires would be under all sorts of radar with their lifestyle.
Tax authorities, EFCC, normal police and even civil defence would not be doing their work if they are not watching closely.
Even the billionaires who are under structured and well-run organisations are constant visitors to the authorities talk less of these ones who live like emperors and display wealth like over-fed peacocks, and who have nothing more than the odd night club business and a clearing and forwarding business of no real repute to show as a source of their outstanding wealth. Let’s not be using “tribe” to defend, justify and attempt to evade scrutiny if it is genuine.
The authorities themselves must be able to act above board all of the time. They must show above the board approach and a strong resolve to fight crime anywhere they find it.
It is this their “kurukere” moves that throw up the loopholes that give people to start reading other meanings to their actions. If this is a straightforward naira mutilation issue then it should no matter if the culprit comes from Abakiliki or Zungeru, let the law take its course. Thank you.
King Sunny Ade: Gone Today, Here Tomorrow
They have kidnapped KSA. That was the screaming headline in almost every serious blog. Some added drama – unknown gunmen have carried away the legendary KSA
Me, I was really interested, you know my biographical musical on the King is playing in London this October. I don pay for hall over N20m so if any unknown gunman carry Daddy, they should return him, I cannot shout.
I quickly called veteran Yemi Shodimu the go-between and asked – mbok how will this affect us? And the Yoruba man did not pick up and started calling me by 2 am, thinking that me and him belong to the same coven wey no dey sleep. Thankfully, the King himself came out to debunk the rumours and even went ahead to threaten the bloggers with a lawsuit.
Daddy, the most important thing is that you are safe and well. You remain an inspiration, a great Nigerian story and a wonderment that continues to engage us.
No musician in this world has attained your level of relevance and whatever is going on internally within your family will not diminish your huge impact.
Please nothing should happen to the great KSA before October, na beg o. kai.
Kunle Soname: Come and Beat Me
This my bro is famously press shy. But like I always tell him, with the things he is doing, he cannot be under the bed for too long.
Kunle is the owner of Value Jet, Remo stars and BetNaija, the biggest lottery platform in the country. His business activities employ thousands, impact whole sectors and transform huge swaths of Nigeria.
It is not by mistake that in writing my latest book on ‘Power and Influence’ when we got to Sports, every sports authority I contacted called Kunle first.
Kunle is very unassuming, friendly and open. He loves his Ikenne people as he lives with them, and opens his massive gates to them. Furthermore, he allows indigent but football-crazy youths to explore their talents in an all-expense paid jaunt that leads to scholarships, and in some cases footballing careers in Europe.
Why am I hailing bro like this, you may want to ask? Well, it was his birthday and as usual he held something in Ikenne and I could not make it. I called him and as usual, he didn’t pick up, so I sent him a text – whether you like it or not, I will hail you in the papers and if you don’t like it, come and beat me.
Soname truly deserves to be honoured by well-wishers. Happy birthday, bro and please try not to increase my rent o – na my landlord ooooo. Kai.
Lekan Ajisafe: An Embarrassing Situation
For those of you who do not know, Lekan is one of the biggest insurance brokers in the country. His clientele spans the globe and he is well-connected and he is an Ekiti man.
It was his birthday the other day and his friends decided to throw a surprise party for him.
That was how they opened a WhatsApp group and invited me. I quickly joined o. You cannot be close to Lekan and not enjoy his kindness, friendship and love.
Lekan is the main financial backer of the Ekiti International Theatre Festival which is expected to create over 5,000 jobs in the space in Ekiti and throw in another N2billion to the local economy so you see why I am not joking with him o.
That was how they said we should start contributing for his surprise party, I just shouted, send me the account number o. I want to be the first to donate o.
They sent me the number and “network” really saved me from thorough embarrassment. As I was struggling to do my N100,000 transfer the thing was telling me “Error.” That was how I saw N5million alert on the group. I clean my eye, the next thing na N7.5 million. Aghh , I shouted o.
The next thing na N8 million, then N2 million started dropping like a prostitutes’ pants. I lost self-confidence. I call Duchess and ask her what I should do, that it is looking like I am not in this league o.
She said, I should give her the N100,000 and she would go and sing happy birthday to Lekan. Mbok, I ignored her and kept watching. Then I saw N200,000, my confidence jumped, yesss my financial colleagues were standing up. Then another N150,000 I said, yesss, oya, I began to open my app, then N6million landed, I panicked again. Another flurry of N1 million, I just weak.
I quietly transferred my N100,000 and put anonymous, and quietly carry myself go the party where it was announced that apart from the N18million raised for the party, another N20million was collected that will now be donated to his foundation named after his mother- Lekan donates over 50% of his intervention to education.
At the party which pulled in the Senate Majority Leader, Senator Opeyemi Bamidele, and so many dignitaries, Lekan made a profound statement – these shows that I should be chasing friends and not money- very profound.
My own lesson is that, I have to change my circle of friends, simple. If na me dem set up Whatsapp fund, Mudi will put N100k in tranches of N25k four times. I just tire. Kai.
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