See me struggling with my blood pressure, refusing to take the BP medications almost every Nigerian is taking once they cross the 50-year-old mark and confronted with the most salty meat one can find in Lagos.
It was at the elegant dinner organised by the multitrillion naira NGX Group for their departing Directors.
Oscar Onyema and his visionary team which included the late Babamofin Abimbola Ogunbanjo and a host of other very prominent and well deserving individuals were honoured.
I saw so many powerful and beautiful people. From Aigboje Aig-Imokhuede, a past President of the NGX, to Mohammed Garuba, a director, and my favourite person Nonso Okpala, an emerging capital market leader. Mr. Femi Otedola, a major market mover was represented and by the time I left, Aliko Dangote who has played a pivotal role in making the market one of the fastest growing in the world, was still expected.
Kwairanga, who is the Group Chairman was very effusive in his opening speech as he rained praises on the outgoing team and eulogised, especially, his immediate predecessor, Oscar whose 13 year tenure saw a lot of powerful initiatives which gave the bourse the solid foundation on which it is thriving today. Although his tenure ended quite colourfully, he is still regarded as one of the legends of the market and I agree.
Today, his successors led by the sweetly gifted Temi Popoola are pushing the boundaries and deepening initiatives which have seen the bourse record fantastic results, thereby fetching global recognition.
As the evening wore on, they served me one food like that. On the surface it looked very appetising. It was burnt jollof rice, fish and one thing that looked like crab and a huge swath of meat.
Now Doctor Nwabuoko had warned me: “Edgar, since you don’t want to take your drugs because of your fear of losing your erection, stay off meat, salt and drink a lot of water and exercise.” This is what I have been doing o.
So that was how I saw the meat on the plate and took a huge bite and all the salt in the Dead Sea hit my tongue oooo. I shouted and spat it out o and grabbed a bottle of water and drank with vigour. Rushed home and was staring at my BP machine with fear oo. Who send me go dinner ooooo. Kai
Are you guys checking your BP? Mbok check o.
Reno Omokri: Never Say Never
This colourful character has finally been tapped for an appointment. This was long overdue as the bobo did everything possible including dressing like “Yoruba,” eulogising Baba Tinubu to high heavens and turning Peter Obi to a cartoon character as he stridently cursed, abused that one almost on a daily basis.
The desperation for recognition has been at nauseating levels that one began to wonder what kind of worm was this.
Finally, we have seen his name mentioned among those to be sent on an ambassadorial mission. Now maybe we will rest because the tirade had reached irritating proportions.
The “regime” would be achieving two things with this appointment if it sails through – it would be achieving some peace and quiet by sending this “mosquito” to a far-flung country and it would be rewarding “it” for years of self-appointed selfless service to the administration.
Mbok, let me recommend North Korea, Tibet or any country very close to the Himalayan Mountains, maybe the cold would keep him quiet. Mbok, this is what some “agbalagbas” in Shomolu used to call – good riddance.
Ali Pate: A Sad Occurrence
The very quiet and not too effective Health Minister is reported to have mentioned during an engagement that we have lost about 16,000 doctors in the last five years. He cited economic, terms of service and opportunity for research and training as reasons for this great loss.
He also mentioned that 80% of what is left are in Lagos and Abuja, leaving the rest of the country underserved at best or not even served at the worst.
Just as I was ruminating about these, Mabel, my sweet friend sent me a terse message, “Edgar, my dad just passed this night.”
This is the cry in most homes. In fact, once you are above 60 and you fall ill with anything outside malaria and STD, the chances that you will die in this country is about 80%. Once you have crossed the malaria region and have started entering diabetes and kidney, your chances of meeting your creator increases. Don’t even try the cancer region. That one na certain death. Kidney and diabetes, some agbo and LUTH and General Hospital Ikeja can still prolong your mortality but once you cross those areas, na to sing “till we meet again,” I tell you.
The comatose healthcare delivery system of this country is not receiving any serious attention. Ok, they have built one or two hospitals in Lagos that have successfully treated kidney and we are shouting eureka when the large swath of 200 million people no longer know what a doctor looks like.
Na Buhari in his military uniform or was it Abacha, who said that our hospitals have turned to “mere consulting clinics” in one of those annoying broadcasts. In fact, today, we no even see the consulting clinics, the remaining doctors are riding okada to augment their salaries. Na wa oo.
Ibok Ekwe Ibas: Midget Dictator on the Prowl
For clarification’s sake, ‘midget,’ in this context does not refer to his physical stature o but his political standing o. I say make I talk clearly before dem go flog this my fine buttocks wey no fit take any koboko.
In a democracy where the other 35 state governors were democratically “elected,” he is the only one appointed by statutes that are currently tested in court. Na wetin I mean by midget be that o.
I do not know what his mandate is or on what law the baba is operating on but from what they told us, they had said that his tenure would be for six months in the first instance.
But from what we are seeing, it is not looking like daddy is looking at that six-month o. Six months is too short a time to actualise the lofty plans he has for the people of Rivers State and that is why he is upturning massive democratic institutions, down to the local government level. A level that has just won a hard-fought autonomy, he is said to have appointed administrators’ for all local governments in Rivers, appointed heads of different parastatals and basically just “abachaing” his way through the system.
Like I have said, I do not know what his marching orders are and as such cannot say if he is going beyond his mandate but from what we are seeing, it is looking like this one is doing more than Fela’s Zombie – wey na only go he dey hear and no dey hear come back or he don do.
There is God oooo is all I can say at this point.
Brig. General M. Tsiga: One for All, All for One
I think the General who gleefully announced the success of raising about N400 million to secure the freedom of his brother and colleague, Gen Tsiga from the claws of kidnappers was expecting accolades but what he received was a barrage of anger that should leave him and the authorities thoroughly embarrassed and humiliated.
So a whole General of the largest army in Africa was kidnapped by an ill-trained, ill “weaponed” band of merry-go-round bandits and instead of the army to descend heavily on them to free their senior colleague, they go into crowdfunding to raise the amount to pay.
He excitedly announced that immediately he set up the group, that prominent colleagues started pouring in cash, and shame just began to catch me.
Imagine, people that should have setup a war room and declare – ok, this banditry has gone too far let’s stamp it out once and for all but no, they open up another market for the bandits – retired generals.
Well, this particular General is lucky because my oga General Duru till today we have not heard about his ordeal or even seen his corpse.
This thing for the Nigerian Army is like a stranger entering your house, beating your children and instead of forcefully fighting, you throw your wife in and say – oya beat this one too so that you can have enough time to escape.
If the Nigerian Armed Forces cannot stand up once and for all and behave with pride, then they should be confiscated. Make we know that we no kuku get Army again. It is not to be showing us on NTA soldiers jumping down from parachutes and shouting – minini, I land on top tree. Shege, me, I land on top car. Me, I don land for Fausat bedroom – that makes an army. Can they please get serious with this matter?
Nobody should come and beat me o, it is just annoying.
Dave Umahi: Caught in a Fix
This man just likes playing to the gallery and being a showman on every issue. Which one is driving across a bridge that they have said will soon collapse? A bridge that they themselves have said has not been maintained for like 100 years.
We face a major issue with this bridge and Governor Sanwo-Olu said it very clearly. Erosion and others have withered away stuff under the bridge and to avoid a calamity, something has to be done very quickly.
Now the issue is, a shutdown of such a strategic artery will lead to chaos which happened that day it was shut down.
Lagos Island went into spastic shock. Traffic rolled back for kilometres and Lagosian spent up to eight hours on the road. People had sex, some held crusades, others perfected their scams and many more things like cooking soup, testing for HIV and canvassing for elections all happened in that traffic that day.
Thankfully, the bridge was opened immediately the next day, but the problem of the bridge still not being solved. So, the issue is not this Mr. Umahi’s caricature comedy show of driving across the bridge or throwing his official under the bus but how to strike a balance of repairing that bridge without causing massive disruption in Lagos.
Dave Umahi, oya the ball is in your court, we are waiting. Thank you.
Bukola Saraki: Why the Pessimism
It is beginning to look like, for our politicians in the run-up to the 2027 elections, that the fear of “Bola” is the beginning of wisdom.
It was legendary Chief Obasanjo who first reportedly said that anything short of an Iranian-Iraqi type conflict, Bola will be very difficult to defeat in the coming elections.
The other day, I sat at a dinner with a heavyweight politician who although is physically in PDP, his spirit and soul is in APC as “Bola is my friend and neighbour. Edgar, Bola will have his eight years and nothing anybody can do.”
Big heavyweights are showing fear o. Even my handsome Bukola Saraki reportedly said he’s not joining any coalition because PDP governors aren’t willing to fund it; some are even eyeing defection to APC, and no APC governor is ready to cross over to PDP—so as far as he’s concerned, the coalition is already doomed.
Mbok where is all this cowardice coming from? Why are they all so afraid of this frail old man who looks like a gentle grandfather playing ludo with his grandchildren?
Is this the same Saraki that was a fiery Senate President? The same Saraki that stared Buhari down? So why “he come dey fear” all of a sudden?
Well, if all these big men are developing cold feet, then I have to wake up to the reality of my destiny and declare my candidacy. Abi, somebody must stand na. We cannot have a second term president unopposed, even if na only six people that will vote for me, I will still stand.
Mbok, Saraki common wake up from that fear and do what is expected of you, abeg. Thank you.
Kemi Olunloyo: Problem Child
Nobody prays to have this kind of child, certainly not me. At the announcement of the passing of elder statesman and former Governor of Oyo State, Dr. Victor Olunloyo, his daughter the controversial blogger, Kemi Olunloyo was reported to have once again denounced her father. In the report that I have seen, she was quoted to have said that she would not be receiving condolence messages and that anybody who wants to do such, should go to her father’s Facebook page to drop there.
She was also quoted to have accused the baba of all sorts including being diabolical and attempting to poison her mother through the step-mother.
One would have expected some kind of maturity from this person who is old enough to be a grandmother. Even if her father was all that, at his passing all should have been forgiven. He had lived a long fruitful life and passed at 86 and as such could not have lived a perfect life. So, coming out to say all these craps just shows her own infantile disposition to life.
That was how when my mother-in-law, the exquisitely beautiful Mrs. Mowete, passed in Ibadan, this Kemi person came and stood over her coffin and commanded her cameraman to shoot her and instantly moved from smile to massive tears over my dead mother-in-law and when she finished, she cleaned her eye, turned back to smile.
Kemi should please go and sit down; we will help her mourn her father properly as he was a great man- PhD at 25?
Nonny Ugboma: Happy Birthday My Sister
Let me quickly say a happy birthday to this beautiful intellectual. Nonny is the former Executive Secretary of MTN Foundation under which strategic areas in the art and culture space were impacted. Her efforts led to the penetrative incursion of much needed resources to the space.
Today, she has redirected her efforts towards policy and is working with many supranational governments within the nation in that area while completing her PhD programme.
Happy birthday my sister and well done!
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