Leave Wole Soyinka Alone, Please
This Baba has really suffered at the hands of his tormentors. Any little thing he does, they attack him with no respect. The way they move against this centurion is scary.
Apparently, he was part of those given national awards by this administration, ostensibly to reward them for their service to democracy, according to those who gave them the awards. Just as we were about to rush to Abeokuta or whichever forest the sage is living in now to beg him to at least dress well this time – last time Baba dressed well was when he collected his Nobel in 1986.
Since then, his style has been a cross between Lakunle Ojo, the drunk in the old Village Headmaster and Boniface, the Calabar houseboy to Bassey Okon in the same sitcom – Nigerians attacked, accusing him of all sorts. They wondered, why is he accepting this one and refusing Jonathan’s? I am just tired.
Why disturb a man so close to 100 for every little thing he does or doesn’t do? If you ask me, it’s just cowardice.
The people that are beating us, causing ‘go slow’ all over the place, renaming national monuments after themselves and generally just sticking their tongues at us while giving us an enema, we are not pushing on.
It is Kongi who is now more interested in communing with Olodumare that we are all monitoring up and down.
Mbok, Daddy has decided to accept his honour from his paddy who drank garri and epa with him in exile instead of accepting from another one who didn’t lift a finger during the period. His rights, his decision, his conscience. How this affects the price of garri in the market is what I really don’t understand. Thank you!
James Ibori et al: We are Grateful
The final forgiveness of my egbon, the wonderful Babajide Sanwo-Olu, the Governor of this our Lagos State has come and gone. In fact, to show that he has been totally forgiven, he was seen escorting the greatest president currently in Africa, President Bola Tinubu back to Abuja after causing so much traffic in Lagos.
But wait o, did you guys see how Sanwo-Olu tried so hard not to step on the red carpet as he and his principal walked towards the aircraft. Bobo was very careful before he finds himself in another soup.
Anyways, I want to seize the opportunity to thank all the elders who helped us in this matter, paramount being my very senior elder, the wonderful Chief James Ibori. In the heat of the matter, I knew that Chief Ibori was the answer. I sent very secret messages to Sanwo-Olu’s camp that Ibori was the secret weapon. They said no joor, that they will try GAC with a splinter of juju. I said it won’t work, that His Excellency was the key.
They ignored me and continued. The snub at the airport happened, they persisted. It was at the commissioning of the expressway which goes nowhere, that the “babanla isho” snub happened.
This made them reach back in panic and said, “Duke, we give up,” and I replied: “Get Ibori,” and they said “ahhhh. Ibori was last seen in his village trying to learn palm wine tapping skills.”
Anyways, when I saw the “all is forgiven” memo in the papers, I quickly rushed to see those who went to plead and when I saw Chief Ibori’s name, I just knew that my advice was taken.
So going forward, any godfather/godson problem that does not involve wife snatching but pure political fight, Chief James Ibori is your man for sustainable conflict resolution. Thank you so much sir, we are grateful.
Nollywood Calling on Paul Adefarasin
He drove his gleaming Range Rover towards the intersection. The poor and jobless car spotter pulled out his camera and the pastor elegantly wound down, pointed something at the irritant and with a scowl like Samuel L. Jackson drove very slowly away.
That was Nollywood-worthy, I swear. Someone should kindly look at giving this pastor a role in one of these huge Nollywood movies. Baba is handsome, tall with sexy muscles. His gray beards remind you of the iconic Sean Connery, and his verbal delivery is top notch. I swear if baba enters Nollywood, he will give RMD a fight o.
You know RMD has the monopoly of sexy elders kissing young girls in Nollywood.
My people, this episode really “tire” the pastor to the extent that he climbed the pulpit to explain one or two things – they have come against the people of God; it is Satan. He cooed with his zombified congregation clapping and praising God that the devil did not catch their fine pastor.
Mbok, this particular pastor does not come across as if he truly likes we the poor people. The other day, a danfo scratched his car and heaven was distracted, today na car spotter and Lagos will not hear word.
The arrogance is legendary, the aloofness is not of this world and this is why the whole thing exploded the way it did.
Daddy should have just smiled and waved and driven off, sparing us this unnecessary drama. Na wa oo.
Farooq Oreagba: The Mystic of the Moment
Ok, let me explain. Gentleman Farooq had a moment at last year’s Ojude Oba. A moment is when all the forces align and create magic. It is not planned, it cannot be predicted, it just occurs.
The bread seller in Yaba is one example. She was just walking on her own and the moment happened and she became a star. One unique thing about the moment is that it cannot be recreated. Nothing you do can bring it back. It happens and that is it.
This year, I saw my brother trying so hard to live to the billing of being Mr. Steeze. He has done everything he needed to do but sadly, the moment cannot come back. It is a moment of magic that nobody sees coming. Happens on the football field, just a moment of pure magic, happens in concerts – Michael Jackson had many.
The lone man at the Tiananmen Square during the protest in China facing the armoured tanks, all were moments that can never be replicated.
I must however thank Farooq very profusely for his energy, passion and fun that he displayed this year. He was the face, the main symbol and the one that we all looked out for. Moment or no moment, Farooq was indeed the star of the movement and cynosure of all eyes and for this, I say well done bro.
Abubakar Kyari, What’s Going on?
The circular asking for prayers and fasting on a weekly basis by the ministry whose job it is to provide us with food has gone very far.
I had received it so much on my phone that I was beginning to be irritated
I first thought it was fake news since I don’t believe that any right thinking public official would dare try this as policy.
Then I now saw a report in a credible national newspaper that the joker – a Director in the ministry had sent another circular postponing the event.
Mbok how do we even comprehend this kind thing. This is what, if it is true that women used to put their hands across their chest, bend their heads to one side and say – I tire.
If person as Minister or director or permanent secretary have run out of ideas, why – he no just go back him village-instead of embarrassing President Tinubu like this.
This is mediocrity at its highest level and sadly, nothing will come out of this because there is an election coming and they ‘need all hands on deck’ including the ‘mumu’ hands
This was truly a country, I swear. I tire.
Kenneth Okonkwo: The Transgender Politician
Mbok, this man has finished my governor o. Kai! He called him “transgender politician” on national TV and despite all attempts by the beautiful ARISE NEWS anchors to pull him back, he kept mouthing it – he is a transgender politician. He is a transgender politician.
Since Governor Eno has done his follow follow decampment, he has been inundated with all sorts of abuse and pressure. But this one by this actor, lawyer-turned-politician is the icing on the cake.
Mbok, which one is transgender politician again o? Someone has to “catch” Mr. Okonkwo to come and better explain this thing for us o. Is he saying that our governor is not a man? Or that he has strange genitals or was he simply using that term to describe his political machinations which have truly been quite confusing?
You know how you look at those “sissy boys” in confusion seeing them with both male and female organs and mannerisms, that is how we are being confused with Governor Eno’s policies. Maybe that is why Mr. Okonkwo gave him this label.
Anyways, the best thing is for him to come back and better explain himself because we Akwa Ibom people would like to know very succinctly what he truly means o. Do we have a “bobrisky” in our government house in Uyo? Mbok, fear is catching me o Kennetttttthhhhh, where are you ooo? Kai!
Jesutega Onokpasa – What Happened?
Aghhh!!! This one is truly shocking o. The terse announcement of his passing has sent shock waves all over the nation. This ex-staunch supporter of President Tinubu who later recanted and started fighting him has been reported dead, just like that.
I last saw him at the ARISE TV studios in Abuja where we were on the same panel discussing some of Nigeria’s very pressing problems.
For me that encounter was boring because by this time, he had already recanted and as such, we didn’t have a good “fight.” He was just agreeing with me and the thing was paining me as I was expecting fireworks.
Anyways, I wish him eternal rest and also wish his family the strength to bear this obviously painful loss. Rest in peace bro.
Sani Abacha: Silence of the Wolf
A lot of people did not realise that the anniversary of the death of this man had just passed. This is why we preach legacy. With what he carried our eye to see, it is no wonder that a lot of people did not even notice that it was time for remembrance.
Apart from the usual full-page advert by his family, nothing of note was arranged by anybody to mark the day. Even me, I did not eat afang to celebrate the day. I just slept and watched porn. Remember they say it was an apple from an Indian – if you gerrit, you gerrit, and if you don’t gerrit, forget abourit. Lol.
Abacha’s legacy should be a lesson for our maximum ruler who is renaming everything around us in his name – I hear it is the main gate to the abattoir in Agege that is next.
Legacy and how history views our leaders can be harsh. History does not decamp, it does not take bribes, it cannot be compromised and would say it as it is like how it is saying it for Sani Abacha.
I can only wish him well at this juncture and pray that God should have forgiven him his sins and have already granted him eternal peace.
For the ones still alive, they should spare God the hard work of granting waivers for leaders with bad behaviour and just do the right thing now that they are in power, because I will not beg again. The one we have done for Abacha is enough, it’s not only Nigeria that God created, mbok.
Obi Asika: Doing a Yeoman’s Job
Asika is doing a job at the National Council of Arts and Culture. He is rebuilding, remodelling and strengthening the space with his innovative ideas backed by a huge history of being a major player of international repute.
The other day, I saw him endorsing the Things Fall Apart Festival coming on at some point in Enugu. This is one of those initiatives that he is backing and that is bringing back the much needed vibrancy in the community.
Was with him the other day in his office in Abuja and we discussed very deeply and clearly the space of which I am a major stakeholder.
Even though he didn’t give me any food – imagine o, I was just looking at this Baba. I talk, talk, talk to the point that if anybody opens the door, I will turn to see if na food but nothing.
Anyway, it was a beautiful experience as Obi showed his dexterity in all areas of the industry.
I am sorry, I haven’t written about the experience since I came back for very obvious reasons as mentioned. Next time Obi, when a titled man comes to your office, you give him afang. Thank you.
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