By Tosin Clegg
Mary walked down the aisle in a pristine white dress, surrounded by friends, family, and the hopes of a lifetime ahead. She never imagined that years later, she would be covering bruises with makeup and telling her children the noise last night was “just something falling in the kitchen.”
Like millions of others, Mary became a silent casualty of a war fought behind closed doors—one that leaves no visible battlefield, yet destroys lives all the same.
According to the World Health Organization, one in three women globally have experienced physical or sexual violence at the hands of an intimate partner. In Nigeria, about one in four women report the same, while some African countries record even higher rates. But as experts point out, numbers don’t bleed—people do. And behind every statistic is a story like Mary’s, too many of them left untold because fear often outweighs freedom.
Domestic violence in marriage is not a distant problem. It lives among us—in the homes of neighbors, colleagues, and even within the families we admire. It is the raised voice followed by the raised hand, the shattered plate after a misunderstood glance, the apology wrapped in flowers but never in change.
The effects go far beyond bruises. Victims often lose confidence, their voice, and even their sense of self-worth. They live on edge, in survival mode, constantly calculating their next word, their next move, their next breath.
When children are involved, the damage deepens. A child who watches their father strike their mother does not forget. They internalize it, they learn from it, and sometimes, they repeat it. This is how generational cycles are formed where boys grow into abusers and girls grow to accept abuse as love. It is a chain that tightens with time.
But it can be broken.
The role of counseling
Breaking free begins with help—not silence, not “managing it,” not prayer alone, but structured, professional support. Counseling is not just for the heartbroken or the mentally unwell; it is a life-saving tool.
For victims, it creates a space to unlearn shame, rediscover strength, and imagine a life beyond fear. For offenders, counseling is equally essential. Abusers are not born; they are often shaped by trauma, insecurity, and unhealthy learned behaviors. Therapy offers accountability, insight, and tools to build healthier patterns.
Rehabilitation is possible. Change is possible. But only when both the abused and the abuser are included in the healing process. Removing victims without addressing offenders merely postpones the next crisis, the next injury, the next broken family, the next funeral.
When sacredness becomes a shield for suffering
In many African societies, marriage is sacred—and it should be. But sacredness must never become a shield for suffering. Too often, victims are urged to stay “for the children,” “for the family name,” or because “every marriage has its problems.”
When the problem is life-threatening, the answer is not endurance—it is intervention. And intervention is not betrayal. It is bravery.
Domestic violence is not just a personal issue. It is a public health crisis, a social justice matter, and a cultural wound. It thrives in silence, and it dies when we speak.🗣️
The call for action
Nigeria has made some progress. NGOs and state programs now provide emergency shelters, trauma therapy, and support groups. But far more is needed. Local governments, traditional rulers, and religious institutions must invest in counseling centers, hotlines, safe shelters, and educational campaigns.
Cultural messages that frame suffering as strength must be challenged. Communities must emphasize that love should never be loud, cruel, or painful.
Victims must be reminded again and again: it is not your fault, you are not weak for wanting peace, you are not crazy for choosing safety, and you are not alone.
According to Miracle Femi Lazarus, the lead Counselor at Sweet Love With Purpose counseling firm – “counseling is no magic wand, yet it remains one of the most powerful tools to stop the cycle of domestic experience from my years of experience”.
With professional guidance, victims and offenders can learn to communicate differently, rebuild trust, and create safe, loving homes—especially for the children who grow up watching.
If you know someone suffering, referring them to help could be the bridge between silence and survival.
Because bruises are not proof of loyalty. Because counseling saves lives. And because every home should be a haven, not a war zone.
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