Asari Dokubo: A Trump in Full Perspective
This one always looks overfed. You know how babies look when they have overeaten, and then you have to make them burp. You will turn them on their tummy and pat their backs till they either vomit or burp. That is what I always feel like doing to this High Chief anytime I see him on a video clip.
This time around, he was challenging the American President. “They should come down and meet their graves,” he proclaimed. “Shebi they are in the sky, when they come down, we will bury all of them,” he said with chubby cheeks.
This kind of light-hearted treatment of a very serious issue is important, if for nothing else, for our mental health. The seriousness of an American breach of our sovereignty can only be countered if we do not rush into a national panic spree, by the wry humour of people like this, as it gives us momentary distraction from the severity of the matter.
Thankfully, this particular clip has not been given mainstream attention but circulated within the prisms of rogue social media. I am just putting it here as a softer way to introduce my column this week, so that readers can easily digest the seriousness that I will be tackling in my stories.
Thankfully, I do not think anyone – Americans, the Government or even Nigerians are taking him seriously, and as such, we should just leave that his tirade at the level that it is – wry, dark humour without an audience. Thank you.
Ayomide Macaulay Seeks Cardoso’s Intervention
Ayomide Macaulay is a brilliant businesswoman, and right now, she not happy. Let me first detail her angst, which is very representative of the over 13 million Micro, Small and Medium Enterprises (MSMEs) that operate in Nigeria.
She contends that despite the huge contributions of the MSMEs, they are not getting the very best of support from the government and the system. She laments that the MSMEs are still categorised as risky in credit ratings by most commercial banks, and even added that institutions like the Bank of Industry do not even acknowledge their applications.
In her submission, which I have seen, she argues that novel initiatives by the government, like the N200 billion Intervention Fund established to support the MSMEs, are not reaching the mark. She says that despite the huge benefits this layer of businesses brings to the table, which she listed as poverty alleviation, GDP contribution, export promotions, among others, they remain unseen by the government.
I totally agree. Granted, the government, through these initiatives and other such interventions, have shown very good faith with the sector, red tape and bureaucratic inefficiencies have not really allowed for the desired impact, and this is why business owners like Ms. Macaulay are shouting for increased support.
To begin to seriously rebuild the economy and strengthen the immediate gains of this government’s economic policies, which have seen reduced inflation, forex stability and others, the MSMEs must be seriously supported so as to allow them to further drill down these benefits to the people.
So, I don’t know if this action or request is rightfully Cardoso’s own as parlayed by Ms. Macaulay. Whomever’s job it is, she has cried out, and we have supported the cry; let’s wipe not only her tears but those of millions of small business owners who are really, really suffering in the trenches. Thank you.
Rueben Abati: A Preemptive Strike
Oya ooo, Daddy is turning 60. Have you received your invite? I got a letter signed by the greatest television scholar in our history.
“My dear Joseph Edgar,” the letter read, “you have been summoned to my 60th birthday party. It is a two-day affair that will comprise a book launch on Friday and a big party on Saturday. You are to come with your own food and dress well. Edgar….. I am warning you ooo, dress well, don’t come and be wearing that your torn jeans to my party.”
I swear that was what he wrote in my letter o. If you doubt me, check me on WhatsApp, and I will send it to you.
Dr Abati has achieved iconic status in the Nigerian socio-political space. His commentaries and positions on critical national issues have made him quite popular and influential, and this is why his 60th will be heralded in the way that it is panning out to be.
We would be there, and I know that he will not give me food as he has pre-warned me because he is envious of my hair. So, I will go with my own food to celebrate one of the most important media men this country has produced. Happy birthday in advance, my Lord.
Dino Melaye as John the Baptist of Kogi
Please, if you have not seen that clip, go and look for it. A long time ago, when this bobo was a senator, he stood up in the Senate and cried to an empty hall. His speech on the security situation was touching and harrowing. He lamented the situation and talked about how our leaders had full protection, leaving out the common man on the street. He talked about the daily killings and the maiming of Nigerians. Oh, he was at his oratorial best as he passionately and emotionally cried for Nigeria and Nigerians.
Senator Melaye is prone to theatrics and drama, but this time, his drama served him very well as he was very lucid in his painting of the security situation in the country.
The chambers were near empty, delineating the seriousness or lack of that he was being taken. Today, he has been kicked out of the Senate, refused to come back, but his words have come back to bite us. Following the increasing dire state of security in the country, we are being threatened with an invasion by a “madman.”
Shebi, if we don’t respect ourselves, we will be disgraced. Imagine issuing that kind of threat to a country of 200 million, like we were just one small local government in his backyard. But do you blame him? Who in their right senses will blame him after seeing the pictures from Benue, Kwara, Katsina and other such hotspots?
Dino cried, and we did not listen. Shikena.
Senator Ned Nwoko: On Your Mandate We Stand
While we are preparing for the American attack, Senator Ned Nwoko and his beautiful wife are feeding us with very exciting distractions. For those of you who have been living under a rock, Senator Nwoko is the Delta State Senator who has been in a running battle with his last and extremely beautiful wife, the delectable actress better known as Regina Daniels.
The marriage has been going through a massive crack recently, as she has been alleged to haveleft the house under some very distasteful circumstances. Allegations of domestic violence and drug taking have been thrown either way, and Nigerians have taken sides.
Well, as a polygamy apologist, you will certainly understand where I would be standing on this matter. Senator Nwoko is not a very likeable man. A lot of people don’t like him, as could be gleaned from public commentary, but I stand by him on this one as a fellow polygamist.
We must all come together to support one of our leading lights under this kind of stress. If Ned fails, then we all fail. It is not easy to have four wives and still keep them intact in Nigeria of today. It is in this guise that I will be calling an emergency meeting of our association to deliberate very seriously on the matter of our senior member in a bid to fashion out ways and means that we could lend our support to him in this trying moment.
See, Ned has been a poster boy for our association. His skillful management of four very delectable women had catapulted him into iconic status. You see, even our immortalised forefather, Fela Kuti, did not achieve what Senator Ned has achieved, especially with the gorgeousness of his own wives, hence a little bit higher rating than Fela in our scales.
It is for this reason and more that we would meet and release a communiqué, stating very clearly our position that we support Ned in this matter and will do everything within our powers to ensure that Regina comes back home where she truly belongs, and failure which we will work with Ned to secure a veritable replacement as we do not condone “rubbish” in our association.
But tarry, the Judas Iscariot in me is beginning to wake up o. Mbok watching Regina Daniels video last night, something in me began to pray for the whole thing not to be resolved o. Mbok, the girl is fine, chai. No wonder the great senator has been alleged to have refused to take back his bride price – I will not o with her kind of beauty.
Anyways, I have always been known to be very humanitarian and understanding in my approach to things like this, and it is in this regard that I offer to take custody of Regina as a stopgap measure for things to calm down, after which I will willingly lead her back to her rightful place in the Senator’s home. What else can I do as a man of peace who is always ready to work very assiduously to settle matters?
So please, anybody with access to the two parties, kindly send my request to take custody of Regina and keep her safe and away from the bad influences that Senator has talked about and then work very closely with my mentor in seeking an amicable resolution. Afterwards, I will deliver her back safe and sound when we have achieved a consensus.
I am just doing this for peace and for the country. Thank you.
Abdul-Ganiyu Obasa: Man in the Mirror
His father, Mudashiru Obasa, is the substantive Speaker of the Lagos State House of Assembly, and today he is the acting Chairman of a local government in Lagos – I think Agege.
My people, if you don’t already know, Lagos politics is now a monarchy with the second generation of our leaders taking over all over the place. From commissioners to special advisers to local government chairmen to almost everything. What you see are popular names holding these positions as if there is a deliberate succession plan that has been forged without the people’s consent.
This case in point is funny, although not illegal. This is a clear case of, “we see what you are doing but can’t do anything about it because you have done it well.”
Those who are very familiar with the story alleged that Abdul-Ganiyu, was first nominated by his father as APC chairmanship candidate for Agege LGA. People cried, shouted, and even threatened. So the man listened to their cries and nominated someone else. That someone else turned around and nominated Obasa’s son as vice chairman. They both won the election in July.
Three months later, the chairman feigned sickness and peacefully resigned to make way for Obasa’s son to take the main seat as the new Chairman of Agege LGA.
The opposition has pointed out, the whole thing just looks too convenient. There is God ooo.
A Closer Look at Funsho Doherty
I think we have reached a point in our country, especially with this Trump wahala, that we can no longer be saying – he is a good man, but he cannot win. See where the ones that can “win” have taken us to. We are now labelled a “disgrace of a country.”
For me, that Trump intervention should now be seen as a wake-up call to all full-blooded Nigerians, and that is why I am now looking very closely at the candidacy of this “young” man in Lagos. I still have one very strong and favourite candidate within that their APC enclave in Lagos, but where he fails, I will move very seriously towards Mr. Doherty, who has shown a glib understanding of the kind of transparency required to run a city-state like Lagos.
I think the time has finally come for us to veritably and deliberately break the yoke of the oppressors in our polity. Mbok, enough is enough. The patrimony must come down, and we the people must be allowed to push in our true leaders who will now come and work for the people and not work to uphold a tendency which is decidedly not for the people.
It is for this reason that we should be looking very closely at Mr. Doherty in a view to giving him substantial backing to push aggressively towards the seat when the time comes.
Mr. Doherty, please don’t vex for my initial attack on you. I was a small boy at that time, and I wasn’t even circumcised. Things are different now, and we must behave differently. Thank you, and I wish you well.
Can We Stop Harassing Omoyele Sowore?
Is it that with all that is happening that the whole Nigerian Police Force has nothing else to do than to be pursuing Omoyele Sowore all over the place? From one arrest to the other, from one arraignment to the other and now being declared wanted in Lagos.
Mbok, what is it? The whole issue, according to Deji Adeyanju, is beginning to look personal. Mbok, what is wrong with declaring to protest over a policy the man feels is draconian, that is warranting him being labelled “wanted”?
The last time I checked, protest is allowed under a democracy as long as he follows due procedure, and the police are duty-bound to work with him, ensuring safety and public order. Has the man even done the protest that we are now declaring him wanted?
Thankfully, I have just seen a report that a High Court in Lagos has quashed that crap. Mbok, let the man carry out his protest peacefully, and take his bath and rest.
The police’s interest in Sowore is looking one kind now abeg, and should stop immediately. It is getting too much. Thank you.
John Edozien: A Warm and Inspiring Moment
Oh, I had a wonderful time the other day at the home of Chief John Edozien, the former Chairman of the SEC and Deputy Governor of the old Bendel State. I was so warmly received by him and his beautiful wife, who serenaded me to the point that Ibibio man started to blush o.
“Oh, Duke, we love watching you on ARISE TV,” she said. “My husband and I love it when you are on air and don’t even watch when you are not there. In fact, I am sure the women will soon beat you,” she concluded.
Such a beautiful couple. Chief is still very, very good-looking for his age, and Mummy is the epitome of physical beauty. As they spoke, I was just wondering why “dem” fine like this, even at this age.
Chief Edozien is a repository of history and knowledge, as he took me through certain historical milestones. He talked about the formation of Delta State, where he was the first Chairman of the New Towns Development Board, his stint in Delta and other such historical things.
The Asaba matter was also in view, and he gave me a lucid description of the happenings and how they affected his family.
At the end of the session, I felt so fulfilled and educated on a tough aspect of Nigeria’s history. I must quickly thank their beautiful daughter, Yvonne, who used to be my colleague at BGL, for coordinating the meeting.
That was an afternoon well spent, I swear.
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