Nasir El-Rufai: A Buffalo Soldier
Mallam El-Rufai is today the most popular Nigerian. On arriving from a trip to Egypt, there was an attempt to arrest him. He repelled it and then went straight to ARISE NEWS to boast – we can also tap their lines. The next Monday, he walked into the EFCC custody, and as I write, I am seeing reports that the DSS have “carried” him.
This is a season of anomie for him, and I am very sure that he would have prepared for it long ago. For me, his courage stands him out in a forest of withering trees. In an environment where second-term governors are decamping, and the political space has been turned into a dim-witted plumage of cowards and hypocrites, an El-Rufai, despite his characterisation as a not-to-be-trusted fellow, standing tall and taking the hit like a man is something that I am personally celebrating.
On the eve of his arrest, I wrote an article celebrating his courage under fire and was pelted by some misguided people. Their arguments remain lame as they continued to rehash the oft-quoted from Obasanjo’s book and the tepid talk that he is still “vexing because dem no give am minister.”
No matter the cause of his actions, the man is showing uncanny courage and a very strange stance against the ruling party when he could have easily “cut a deal” like most people would have done and ended up positioning himself as another kingmaker with clay feet.
Knowing fully well what was going to happen to him, he would have either stayed back or begun to “work the phones”, but true to his conscience, he boldly rushed back and straight into the arms of his traducers and with a smile.
My only lesson in all of these is the way I look at “life, people and happenings.” This was the same El-Rufai who rushed to the Supreme Court to kick out the naira redesign policy that had spelt doom for Candidate Tinubu. He took the bold step when the vultures around Tinubu today were wringing their arms in cowardly helplessness to salvage that train, and today, that same El-Rufai, no matter his stance in the opposition, is being dragged on the floor just because some people have a personal animosity towards him.
Well, we all know the “kurukere” of it all, it’s to either distract him or put him out of circulation as the campaign period heats up. It’s ok, everyone has their strategy, but what will be, will be, abi no be que sera, sera – I am sure I didn’t spell it well, but at least you guys get the drift. Nobody should tap my phone o, na beg oooo.
Bimbo Ashiru: Facts Behind the Figures
This often-well-dressed gentleman in October will be hosting an International Masterclass on Crisis Management. He is leading a team that would pull in top international speakers to come and teach our people on how to manage themselves when crises hit. But this is not the reason that I am talking about him today o, I just said I should just drop that one first.
The Odu’a Investment Company Limited, of which he is chairman, has just revealed an ambitious growth plan. They are targeting an asset base of N1 trillion — N50 billion in Group Revenue and N30 billion in Profits after tax by the year 2030, God keeping us all alive.
Now, if there is one thing going for the South-west Governors, it is this OPICL. The legacy indigenous conglomerate has, over the years, been left alone to run like a true independent conglomerate, and that is strange if you look at some of the “characters” who run the states that co-own the place.
The steady growth of this giant economic vehicle shows his brinkmanship in handling the very sensitive relations between its powerful but sometimes “funny” shareholders.
OPIC has, since its emergence, expanded in its scope, revitalised more of its initially dying subsidiaries and has run a very strong corporate governance structure that has impacted significantly on its bottom line, giving it the “temerity” to project this kind of growth target.
Let me just say kudos and well done to Otunba and his team, and to also say that barring any innocuous interference, I do not see them not meeting that target. Well done, my egbon and team, but shouldn’t you be looking at a stock exchange listing by this time?
Amaju Pinnick: A Fish in a Bowl
You know I am curating a Power list. I am writing a coffee table book that I got 50 powerful scholars from all walks of life to nominate 100 Nigerians that they feel have parlayed charismatic power into impactful societal benefit. That was how four of them nominated the iconic international football administrator, Amaju.
So as part of the book, I am to use my power of sarcasm to write light-hearted profiles of the nominees. That is how I went to write Amaju, and his village people started to fight me. Ohhhh Edgar, you have scattered the list, one of them railed. How can you put Amaju on the same list as Fola Adeola? Another called in, and in a very strict and angry tone said, “Edgar, Amaju was a disaster…”
Me that I don’t like wahala, quickly called Amaju and said – ahghhh no go try local government elections o, your people no like you o. Amaju, who does not back down from a fight, started sending me videos upon videos upon videos of his “achievements” in football, both local and international.
As he was sending, he was calling. I started to ask myself, “Why do I go call Amaju for this matter?” At some point during the numerous calls, he said, “Hold, make I call you back, someone dey call me.” He called back: “That was FIFA Secretary General dey call me. Those people wey dey yab me, dem get that kind access or privilege?”
Well, as for me, the day I started reckoning with Amaju’s power and influence was during the World Cup final in Qatar. You guys know that I don’t watch football. As the whole world was stuck on the match, I was doing something better with my time, watching – you know what – when his call came. Edgar, u no go know who dey beside me, I screamed, Ogiame, his king, and he said no, David Beckham.
Amaju knows that I have a mad love for Beckham, hence his teasing me. I screamed, “Amaju oya put am for video make I greet am,” and he switched to video. Lo and behold, it was not only Beckham ooo, the whole nine yards of football royalty. FIFA president, Beckham, one Qatari royalty kai. I told Amaju to give Beckham phone na, and he replied, “Edgar, I no fit do that one o,” then Beckham turned, looked at the screen and smiled, sweat catch me.
If for nothing else, that simple moment in my books shows that Amaju is the most powerful football person on the continent, no matter what his village people think. Village people must get bad bele na.
But seriously, if a man is the Vice Chairman of the committee that oversees all male competitions, including the World Cup at FIFA, what does that tell you? Kai, I just tire.
Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan: Still the Fighter
The way they are doing this my princess is not fair at all. I have seen clips where one ugly chairman did not allow her to speak. She was just shouting – Chairman, don’t hit the gavel, and that one carried his “okpolo” eyes and just “nack” the gavel, signifying the end of the session and robbing her of her rights and authority to speak.
As if that was not enough, they did not tell her about the timing and venue of another committee meeting, and she got to find out at the bus stop when she saw the people who had come to testify waiting for Keke Marwa to go back to their offices.
Why all of these na? These people should be ashamed of themselves for bullying such a pretty but fiery princess. So, you mean you cannot neutralise her with logic and principles that you now resort to all of these “jankara” methods to “chance” her? Just know that the more you do these things, the more she gets stronger and bolder, and the more we, her supporters, love her.
Meanwhile, let me even say that I am very happy to note that her name was number one out of the 15 senators who stood ground and voted for electronic transmission. Well done, my sister.
Obi Cubana as Seyi’s ‘Wise Men’ from the East
Let’s give it to Seyi Tinubu; he is a darn good political strategist. Recruiting very wealthy individuals with a lot of followership and clout into the City Boy movement is a masterstroke. He not only recruited them but went ahead as an advertising man and branded them City Boys and did beautiful posters and unleashed them on the East.
They have gone to work, doing what they know how best to do – flashing wealth and boasting all over the place.
This is a very brilliant strategy in an environment where depth has given way to fluff. What a beauty getting the kings of fluff to do their things and hypnotise the people with the razmatazz.
Those ones too have not disappointed as they have been showing videos of themselves at work. The other day, the one they call Chief Priest showed a video of over 100 buses that have been bought and donated to the cause. As he was counting, the team led by the pro tem leader, Obi, was jubilating, and that clip alone garnered over one million views on social media. For these ones, the issues are of no concern to them. Marginalisation, health, infrastructural development and all of that jargon is not their business; their own is to “pop champagne and love the life and obey their leader,” and for me, if you ask, remains one of the most brilliant political strategies to evolve in recent times.
Aliko Dangote: A Prophet Arises
It appears Alhaji now has a new vocation – prophesying. At a recent event, he was quoted to have foresee the immediate future. He is reported to have prophesied that the naira will strengthen to about N1,100 this year.
I don’t think for this variant of prophesying, he needed to use candles like the other one told the aspiring candidate who wants to be governor. He just counted his bags of cement, stood on the balcony of his refinery to see the trucks loading, took his calculator and then called his “mallam” cousins who sell dollars at Eko Hotel, and after all the research, made his forecast.
Well, what can we do other than listen and adhere to his voice? He had placed a bet on Nigeria and risked it all when the economic climate was inclement and hazy. And he won, thereby winning for himself a podium positioning.
So, when Prophet Aliko speaks, we all go on our knees and shout hallelujah because he has spoken. Mbok let the thing get stronger than the N1,100 predicted by the prophet. We would not mind if it gets back to the N300 level so that we can truly breathe. Thanks for all you do, but help do spiritual cleansing for your people who are ruling us so that they can do more. Thank you.
Justice Binta Nyako: Let’s Do This
This very strict Judge has been reported to have said that if need be, she would get the Chief of Army Staff to arrest the Inspector General of Police for not obeying court orders. I was already getting excited when I came to the realisation that it can never happen in our Nigeria. Army and police fights are usually consigned to bus stops and such other places.
But that will be the day when a battalion moves into the IG’s house or office to arrest him. Kai, it will be fun o, as policemen will start jumping up and down. Some will run away; IG will lock himself in his secretary’s office, and the MOPOL will start forming. They will regret disbanding “EndSARS,” and the military will also bring in Lt Yerima for enforcement.
It will be a shouting match as both sides, afraid to use weapons, will be shouting – oya come out, and the other side will shout, na lie, he no go come out. IG will not call NSA for fear of El-Rufai before they go and tap the line. The Chief of Army Staff will send helicopters that will be hovering around, and one soldier will hold a megaphone and shout from the helicopter – Egbetokun, you are surrounded. Come out with your hands in the air, or we come in.
Kai, the rest of us will be watching on our TV sets, while some will be very far in the gutters and watching live.
President Tinubu would have been in France and incommunicado, and the Vice President would be at his tailor’s, trying to get a new suit. After six hours of the stand off, the IG will come out and address a press conference, still surrounded by the army who would have borrowed like six of the 100 American soldiers and say – fellow Nigerians as a true believer in the sanctity of the law, I will hand myself over to the President of the Senate who is the most senior democratic official available. Akpabio, who would have been swallowing morsels of Eba and afang while watching the standoff on TV, will, in shock, drop the Eba and shout “Abasi!!!” Kai. Laugh wan kill me.
Ebelechukwu Nwachukwu: An Insured Asset
I met this brilliant insurance guru last week, and she has a story to tell. She is the Managing Director of one of Nigeria’s oldest insurance underwriters, Rex Insurance. Rex Insurance is an offshoot of the Royal Exchange Group, which has an over 100-year-old pedigree, making it the first bank of the insurance industry.
However, Rex under Ebelechukwu is beating a well-defined pathway of growth, leveraging technology and seamless relationship-building initiatives to turn profits. They recorded a huge profit in excess of N5 billion, and if you know me very well, you will understand my joy at things like this. We cannot rebuild this nation if economic players are not doing well because there would be no jobs for our people.
But there is much more to Ebelechuckwu than just her job at Rex. She has an emotional story of seeming childlessness. She looked very closely at me and, with a shy smile, said, “Edgar, it took me 11 years to have children and to support myself. I started sponsoring others for fertility treatment. So I have many children, but didn’t have mine for 11 years. I want to tell this story to inspire others.”
I agreed with her because my sister went through the same and just had her twins after eight years, and there are millions of women still going through the same.
Her boldness enthuses me. I encouraged her to tell her story, and she would speak through a mini documentary that would soon be released detailing her journey. Meanwhile, let me be the first to congratulate her as she will soon be announced as the Chairman of the Nigeria Insurance Association, the first ever woman to hold that position. Well done, my sister, we are waiting for the documentary.
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