Peter Obi: A Wandering Pilgrim
If you map Mr. Obi’s movements, like I have been doing for the past year, you will scream. The man is everywhere. No wonder he wears only black. Even his sneakers and socks are black, and I am sure he wears black undies or perhaps nothing under?
From Vatican to Umuahia, to one birthday party in Lekki to Abeokuta, and then back to Umunede before proceeding to London, to Kigali, and back to carry Onyeka to the hospital, all in one day o.
This one has passed Ajala – the iconic Yoruba man who was famed to have travelled all over the world on his scooter.
Mbok, the whole thing is beginning to look one kind and I am sure it is not only me that is complaining. I can bet my last 10k that even Madam is complaining about inactivity in the other room because with these kinds of movements, it will be the version that in Shomolu we call “quickie.”
I could be wrong o, but I think this strategy of maintaining relevance towards the next election is tiring, too much in the face and would lead to dissipation of energy when the time comes for action.
In fact, he is beginning to encounter what they call “see finish” in the public. Abi didn’t we all see how they nearly bounced him at the Vatican the other day?
Me sef, I even witnessed one. During Chief Obasanjo’s last birthday ceremonies, as we walked towards the reception, he was just walking “like that,” very few people went to greet him. In fact, more people greeted me than him as “we don see am too much.”
When I asked, someone said, “He go soon come back next Saturday.” Kai!
My Oga, you need to pull back and be more selective in your appearances abeg. This thing na strategy, not gra gra
Seyi Tinubu: From Rome with Love
From what I see ooooo, there is no way that Nigeria should not break all diplomatic ties with the Vatican and just ban the importation of crucifix from the place.
Mbok, did you see how they gently redirected our first son? That is just so wrong, if the man wanted to go and hug the Pope, then he should have been allowed to.
It is not up to Vatican officials to decide if or when our son can greet the Pope or do anything else he wishes inside the Vatican, including using the Pope’s private restroom.
I wish leprosy on the hand of that “oyibo” who gently redirected our leader the way we used to redirect flood water in Shomolu when it flows to where “e no suppose flow.”
This is the thing with the outside world. They do not understand us, talk less of understanding our hierarchy. I blame Bayo Onanuga for this lapse.
He should have sent the memo to his Vatican colleagues ahead of time, warning them of the dignitaries on our delegation and instructing them on what to do.
Imagine touching the elbow of our Seyi- if you see how the thing is paining me ehn. Even when Obama touched Queen Elizabeth, didn’t you see the uproar? Now this low official that I am sure is not even qualified to open the door for our son is now getting world attention by this crap he just did. He will soon write a book now on this encounter.
Please, a full apology should be demanded from the Vatican for this breach and in that apology they should re-invite our son for a private dinner and audience with the Pope because the new Pope has to hear that speech: “My father is the best President ever in Nigeria.” Pope Leo must hear that speech o or else…
Atedo Peterside: A Different Turn
I put in a call to this legendary personality. “My Lord,” I said, “I am compiling a book on power and Fashola has contributed an essay and I want you to contribute one too.”
“Edgar, I am wary,” was his response. “Wary ba wo? My egbon,” I replied. He said, “I do not want to be accused of plagiarism because my thoughts on power are not original to me.”
I shouted see this man o. People have been accused of not going to school and they became president ooo. Not one but two in this our Nigeria, so why are we bothered?
But then again, people are made up of different clothes and this is one of the most erudite that you can find. People like him will soon “finish” because we are no longer producing his type anymore.
So, I said, “My lord, all we need to do is just to quote the sources,” and he went “but I am not sure if those who the quotes have been attributed to are the real owners of the quotes.”
I said kai, which kind wahala be this o. Lord, let’s just say these are not my original thoughts but I subscribe to them. He agreed and submitted the most profound essay on power and influence in Nigeria today with those quotes well acknowledged but with a deep fountain of personal knowledge that shows pure clarity on the topic.
Thank you so much sir, you really should do much more of these so that we can all learn from you. Kai, well done sir.
Dino Melaye: Making a Strong Point
Call him anything but the man used to get sense at times. In one of his rare showings of wisdom, Melaye posted a clip of him taking President Buhari to the cleaners when that one went to address an international gathering on education with faulty educational qualifications.
Melaye posted his umbrage against Buhari when that one was still in power and then asked a simple question: how many of our legislators can talk like this today?
My people, that answer is very very obvious to us all. In fact, to get a better view of the answer just google Pastor Tunde Bakare and you will see exactly how he described the present day legislature and then you will get the clear answer to Melaye’s question.
You will notice that I am speaking in parables. Well, if you are a close friend of the NANS president and you have seen his black eyes and “koko” on his head, you will understand my roundabout talk this morning.
I don’t have a head for anybody to come and use to train in boxing. Just go and watch the two clips and get what I am trying to say. Thank you.
Davido, It’s a New Debate
We are all just so full of pessimism and angst. So, this poor little boy does something phenomenal – he brings back the Zigima king to the limelight. On sampling one of his songs in his latest hit, he invited the 65-year-old man to Lagos on a lap of luxury to fete him.
In response, one evil mind posted why Davido is fraternising with Igbos, and ended by saying that those ones will soon betray him. In response, David replied: “I am Igbo by blood,” reminding us that his maternal grandmother was Igbo.
Immediately, the fire of tribalism “enter” the matter. Such a wonderful gesture of a young musician paying tributes to an icon now ran into the turbulence of tribalism and ethnicity.
Before you know it, one obviously jobless lecturer in LASU posted that all her children must marry Yoruba, and that she only relates with people in the Yoruba language.
Before we jump into the national pride part of speaking to people only in Yoruba, we must then see this within the context of her response to Davido’s quip of being Igbo by blood.
Mbok, why all these na? This is one of the reasons that I still don’t like Buhari because he brought back these ethnic divisions very powerfully just when we were almost forgetting those divides and allowing music, sports and a growing economy to mute them.
He now came with his huge teeth to scatter everything with his obtuse approach to appointments, his damaging of the economy, making all men run back to their individual shelters.
Mbok, Nigerians, Igbo or not, Yoruba or not, let us just enjoy the beautiful song Davido just released. I tire.
Lekan Fatodu: A Sporty Kind of Leader
Lekan is the Director General, Lagos State Sports Commission and he is a damn good one. Since his ascension, Lagos sports have started waking up. Can you imagine archery in Lagos?
Yes o. Through a well packaged effort working with the private sector, a world class archery facility has been built within the Teslim Balogun Stadium and various competitions within the sport have been held, including international incursions.
Lekan’s touch has also seen the stadium host international table tennis tournaments, one of them sponsored by my brother Yemi Edun.
As I write, Lekan has led a powerful delegation to the ongoing National Sports Festival, watching and seeing what they will come out with.
Lekan’s story is worth telling. He was one of those commissioner nominees that could not pass through the State House of Assembly due to the then cold blood between the exco and the House.
In return, he was given the “slightly lower” portfolio of sports and see what he has turned this half opportunity into.
Just felt like doing this today to congratulate him and to further inspire him to greater heights my brother.
Olumide Akpata: Second Career Loading
This my brother is a former President of the Nigerian Bar Association (NBA) and former gubernatorial candidate in Edo State for the Labour Party, but it is looking like he just found his true calling.
Mbok, the dance step that he displayed at a recent burial of his relative in Benin would make most of our Afrobeats stars green with envy.
Various clips of the event show him shaking his head, jumping up, landing on his back, twirling on the floor, jumping again, and sliding on his bele in a snake-like manner and with the crowd shouting “Go Olu, go Olu, go Olu”.
Mbok, as I watched this spectacle, even me sef, I began to bop my head and exclaimed, this guy can dance. The next thing I saw him bending, his hands on his knees, his mouth wide open, sweat dripping from his handsome face as he whooped, and oozed charm as the music hit him.
I tell you, it is not only one road that leads to market o. If Edo people say no be Olumide they want as governor, then Nigeria must say na Olumide as national dance champion. I am telling you that I have not seen a better dancer in that age category o.
Aghhhhhh, as I am writing, I just see Olumide again, jump up, twist in the air -in the way we used to call western rolling. And while in the air, he is smoking an imaginary cigarette and then lands on his back, with his legs spread apart. He humps on his back and by this time the crowd just gives up and starts hailing him king.
Please, send me a POS machine near his village let me transfer N2,000 to him. He must be rewarded and encouraged. Such talent we have not seen since Etim Esin was kicked out of Belgium. Kai.
Victor Osimhen is Making Us Proud
Did you see how Victor spotted a Nigerian flag in a crowd of thousands and how he ran towards the flag, beating security, officials to go straight to the person carrying the flag and exchanging it with his jersey?
Such patriotism leaves me in tears. This country is truly great. Did you also see the Chelsea female team dancing to a Nigerian tune after they won a tournament?
The world envies us, we just don’t know. We are truly a great country. We are loud, vivacious, talented and a country of hustlers. See Victor coming all the way from which ghetto to command such attention in Europe and you say we are a funny country?
My brother, well done and may God continue to bless you so that you continue to show the world that Nigeria is truly one of the best.
Kola Adesina: Mummy is Gone
Our must affable egbon Kola Adesina, Director Sahara Group, Chairman Axa Mansard and member Presidential Committee on something, just lost his mum.
Kola is one of Nigeria’s most influential people today, a powerful pull on the talk circuit and a major employer of labour.
He would not have been all these if not for his parents. If you hear his Shomolu story, you will quickly start saving the money for the aso ebi to join the thousands who are gearing up to honour mama for not only the gift of Kola but also nurturing him to the point of being one of our greatest talents.
Kola and I once sat down to share our Shomolu stories, and realised that we must have hawked things – me bread, him possibly plantain, along the same routes. His experience has made him the huge corporate player that he is today while mine has made me start wearing dreads. But no problem- there is god.
The most important thing therein is that Kola is a billionaire, his mother just died at over 80 and we must focus on giving mama a more than befitting farewell. She was excellent. My egbon, kindly accept my deepest condolences. God bless you.
Ernest Ebi: Hello on the Other Side
This was a powerful former Deputy Governor of the CBN. I had just walked into the one-year memorial of my friend Victor, Yellow Chilli’s wife somewhere in Victoria Island when my brother Tony Ndah called me. “Edgar, there is no afang here o,” and I said I noticed. No wonder Yoruba people don’t like igbo people. How won’t they serve afang and they invited me?
I sat down beside one still very good looking gentleman who was in white and I introduced myself to him and he exclaimed: “Aghhhh Duke of Shomolu, I don’t miss your column in THISDAY every Sunday, please ask my wife.”
I said, “ohhh, thank you so much sir, but you should really be thanking Editor Davidson because he is the one that corrects all the typos.”
Then he introduced himself, “I am Ernest Ebi,” and I screamed “ohhhh the CBN Ernest Ebi.”
Mbok, na newspaper we used to read about these ones o. These ones were running CBN with a clear head o and his beautiful wife was also an inspiration while I was in the capital market.
We hugged and became friends and when his wife came, he said, “Oya Nne, tell the Duke how we love his column,” and she smiled. We hugged and I asked if it was possible that these people even prepared just one plate of afang for me? Kai. Nice meeting you sir, it was indeed my pleasure. Thanks
Nneka Onyeali-Ikpe: Peace Be Still
The news was dark and wicked – Fidelity Bank to go bankrupt – the online platform screamed and before you knew it, the news went viral.
Fidelity Bank that had just released powerful results and was coasting into being a tier 1 bank, giving the FUGAZ a run for their money was all of a sudden a subject of errant news reporting.
Apparently, the bank had inherited a legal issue as a result of their acquisition of the old FSB. The issue involved a customer, G. Cappa and the old bank. The case had gone up to the Supreme Court and the court gave judgment in favour of the customer.
But Fidelity Bank, according to their statement had reapplied to the Supreme Court to better clarify their judgment as regards the exchange rate to be applied on the judgment sum and the highest court in the land had ordered that status quo remained until this was determined.
But this “kukuruku” media outlet went to town screaming the bank is going bankrupt and you know what that means in an industry that is overly sensitive.
Thankfully, the bank moved with expert speed to calm frayed nerves by releasing a detailed report on the happenings, showing very clearly that it was on top of the matter, and as such there was no need for worry.
To also add strength, the CBN released a statement restating the turgidity of the banking system, reassuring the public that it was up to the mark in its regulatory and oversight functions.
What the public needs to know is that if Fidelity Bank succeeds with its appeal, the judgment sum could drop to as low as N30 billion and then a negotiated repayment plan would be reached. That is how these things work.
The bank in my estimation remains strong with a vibrant board led by the great mathematician, Chike Obi and also with one of the most inclusive management teams led by my sister, Nneka Onyeali-Ikpe.
Some will say Edgar but why are you not firing, like one of my ogas called in dismay – “Edgar, I am surprised that you are silent.”
My people, the facts are clear na, why would I fire? I am not one to join the bandwagon. This was an inherited liability, I am sure when the transaction was consummated, Madam Nneka was still doing young sissy in her village stream. The case had gone through due process and the bank had defended itself to the best of her ability but the system thought otherwise and the bank has sought clarity so as to know the next step. So why should I fire?
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