To mark Father’s Day, Vanessa Obioha speaks with fathers about the evolving meaning of fatherhood, the joys it brings, and how society often masks their vulnerability.
Fathers are not for a season. Even in their absence, their imprint lingers, etched into memory and shaped into legacy. For the men featured here—some new to the role, others seasoned—the meaning of fatherhood keeps evolving. Society doesn’t always make it easy for them to show vulnerability, but if anything, they take this role seriously, especially for younger dads; fatherhood has led them to unexpected places. Yet all of them share one thing in common: deep gratitude for the fathers who came before them, and a sense that to be a great dad is perhaps the most honourable calling of all.
A Father’s Love Wears Many Faces
Recently divorced and a father of two, Fabian has found that the idea of fatherhood keeps changing for him over the years. “I’ve moved from tough love to simply love,” he said. “I never imagined I could feel this depth of emotion for another human being. Now I’m a total softie—my kids somehow erased the “tough” from “tough love,” though I can’t explain how. My boy is my boy, and nothing beats a daughter’s love.”
Not all men would easily admit that fatherhood has made them more emotionally open, especially in Nigeria where masculinity often means no vulnerability. Fabian argued that while society plays a role, it also depends on the mental state of the fathers.
“It depends on which society you live in mentally, not just physically—you can be in Africa yet inhabit a Western mental world.
My grandfather was the first father-figure I knew. He was a tough man—what we’d now call hard. Looking back, I understand why: for him and his generation, love meant guiding and shaping you for the world, never letting a flaw go uncorrected. Neighbours could scold you, and it would have been deemed unloving—or irresponsible—if they stayed silent when you slipped up.”
“Today,” he continued, “emotional connection often centres on accepting most behavioural flaws. Fatherhood, I believe, is deeply cultural, so emotional expression must be viewed through that lens. I’ve had friends say, ‘Papa no tell me say he love me.’ I ask them, ‘Did he pay your school fees? Did he work himself to the bone for you and your siblings?’ Because in doing so, he told you he loved you every single day—far beyond what words could express.
“I’m not saying verbal expression is not important, I tell my kids I love them all the time. But I find that modern society can shame fathers who don’t express emotion in the media-approved, Western way, yet love wears many faces.”
On the legacy he intends to leave for his children, Fabian said: “A deep pride in their African, Nigerian and Yoruba heritage. It’s priceless—worth more than all the money in the world.”
Fabian Adeoye Lojede, Actor and Creative Entrepreneur, Lagos
Fatherhood Makes You Less Judgemental of Others
Children have a way of making you slow down. This was the case for Isime as he embraced fatherhood.
“When you’re dealing with children, you are kind of forced to be patient, to take things slow, to explain better so that they can catch up.”
Isime also discovered that a father’s number one concern is always to protect the child from danger. “You can’t keep your eyes away from them, not even for a second, especially when they are toddlers. It’s a bit easier to deal with when they are older.”
Although his father passed before he became a dad, in retrospect, Isime said fatherhood has given him a better understanding of his actions and decisions.
“You become less judgmental and more forgiving when you think about their actions or decisions, or even when you think of other fathers. So you get a better understanding of why people, or why fathers do the things that they do.”
Isime Esene, Special Assistant on Media and Communications to the Minister of Communications, Innovation and Digital Economy, Abuja
Fatherhood Has Turned Me into a Bridge Between Generations
Timilehin never expected fatherhood to teach him how to love children easily and deeply.
“I expected responsibility, exhaustion, and pressure and I got all of that, but I didn’t anticipate how much joy and strength I’d find just watching them grow, laugh, and call me ‘Daddy.’ I also didn’t expect how much of myself I’d have to confront.
“Children mirror you. They show you both your light and your flaws. That self-awareness has been surprising and humbling.”
And fatherhood keeps grounding him in ways he never imagined.
“Being responsible for two little humans, my twin daughters have completely reshaped how I think about time, priorities, and even success. Before them, I used to measure growth by career milestones or financial achievements. Now, maturity for me means patience, emotional resilience, and learning how to show up consistently, even when I’m drained from work or worried about how to stretch limited resources. Fatherhood has made me more intentional. I think long-term now, not just about myself, but about building a stable future for my girls.”
Perhaps, the best thing fatherhood has done to him is making him see his father from a different lens.
“I now understand the silent sacrifices he made that I may have taken for granted growing up. Juggling bills, protecting the home from economic realities, being present, even when it wasn’t convenient. I find myself more empathetic, and more grateful. We have also had more heart-to-heart conversations recently. I guess fatherhood has turned me into a bridge between generations, and I take that role seriously.”
Timilehin Adebiyi, Marketing Communications Consultant, Lagos
Fatherhood Has Made Me More Calculative
Jerry has learnt a lot from fatherhood, including patience, intentionality and “the value of being present—not just physically, but emotionally too. I now think beyond myself in every decision I make,” he said.
But one of the surprising things it taught him was to be more calculative and consider his daughter in everything he does, from his movements to budgets and plans.
“I find myself asking: ‘If I go to this place, how long will it take to get back to her?’ It’s amazing how calculative I have become since her arrival.”
While his father wasn’t always present in his childhood, the absence, he said, has taught him to be more intentional about being present in his daughter’s life.
“But now, seeing how naturally children tend to bond more with their mothers has made me reflect on my own relationship with my dad. It’s pushed me to make more effort to connect with him—realising that fathers can easily be sidelined if we’re not careful. In many ways, being a dad has helped me understand him better and try to bridge that gap.”
Dr. Jerry Adeyeri, PR Consultant, Lagos
It is Important to Be a Great Father than Win an Oscar
Not many men are blessed with amazing fathers, Chris is lucky to be blessed with one such that even after death, his father still remains the man he aspires to be.
“Some of the decisions and sacrifices my father made are why I’m where I am today,” he said. “I would not have ended up like this, but for my father.”
From him, Chris learnt many things, including having dignity in labour, being firm and fair, and “he loved his children.”
“Fatherhood is the ultimate work of a man that has children and that starts out with you understanding that they (children) have their lives, and your role is to guide them,” he said. “My boys are my greatest honour in life. They are 10 and seven this year; they are my proudest work. I sometimes say to myself that if I can get this right, if I’m able to raise these boys right – with their mother– I would have done my best work.”
He added that fatherhood goes beyond footing the bills. “It demands your presence in their lives. And in fatherhood, there is no guarantee of outcomes. You can do your best, and the child would still not turn out the way you expected, but you have to have done your best first and leave the rest to God.”
Chris Ihidero, Filmmaker, Lagos
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