Nyesom Wike as My Man of the Year
I call Nyesom Wike Man of the Year. Mbok, Nigerians have never seen a man much more colourful than a sitting President. It is now almost a daily cacophony. He is either fighting PDP, disrupting land grabbers in Abuja, showing us latest dance steps, having hilarious media briefings where he is sitting down on a throne and spewing instructions and orders to the rest of Nigerians or spitting at a brilliant young officer.
Any way you look at it, Wike is much more popular than the sitting President.
If you carry out a poll today, you will see that, except only when Trump threatens Tinubu or an increase in fuel price or when the president is causing a traffic jam in Lagos with his 100-car motorcade, nobody really talks about Tinubu. But Wike? Na constant mention.
It’s like the man wakes up in the morning and calls his aides and says, “Oya, what trouble should we cause today?” And they will put their heads together, bringing up suggestions. Fubara? Tick, PDP? Tick. Peter Obi? Tick. Seyi Makinde? Tick.
Oya Navy? And they will all shout “Oyaaaaaaa!” and off they go, straight to the site in full gear, complete with media team and dark glasses. All Nigerians will later hear is: “You are a fool; common shut up; I was in university when you were circumcised.” When the battle is raging more fearsome, he will attempt to suffocate the fine soldier with spittle.
Kai, nothing can wrestle a man down to the floor in minutes than a foul spittle laced with “snuff.” You all know snuff na, that brown thing that our elders used to take through the nostrils or through the mouth, and they will now be sneezing all over the place.
My grandfather almost killed us with that thing; that was what Lt. Yerima was most likely being attacked with that day he stood for Nigeria.
Mbok, all hail the man of the year. Nyesom Wike for President, abeg. Thank you.
Lt. Yerima: Hope for a Brighter Tomorrow
You will notice that I am not discussing the issue. The cause, the actions and the effect on Nigeria is not my problem today. Next week, when everybody has moved on, I will now come and release my 100-page memo on the matter, but be rest assured that I will not stand with Wike on the matter. You can take that to the bank, I assure you.
But let’s examine the reaction of this well-trained soldier in the face of the unwarranted hostility by the elder minister.
His courage and calmness under fire were remarkable. I watched the video intensely so many times to read his body language. He started with warm respect for the minister, warm but very firm and as the minister increased the salvo, he slowly moved from warm respect to respectable defiance and finally ended in admirable push back.
This boy has done the Nigerian Armed Forces proud. He has shown that force and power are not everything, but common sense, laced with a clear understanding of a chain of command and respect for his oath and authority, is what is needed.
“I am a commissioned officer.” This statement should have made the minister back down and say, ohhh, brilliant, I will take this up with your superiors. What that boy was saying with that statement is that, please, respect the uniform; I represent the Nigerian Armed Forces. But no, Emperor Wike will have none of that.
“I am not a fool,” was him saying, No, I am well trained and I know exactly what I am doing here. Please take this to those who sent me, as I don’t want to be court martialed.
Each time the boy added “Sir” to his statement was him respectfully reprimanding oga, as in, “oga, please respect yourself.”
I salute this boy and those who have trained him. This has shown that the Nigerian Armed Forces have a brilliant future and that discipline and courage are still brimming within the rank and file.
If na me be that Lt. Yerima, I swear, Lt Edgar will be facing charges for lifting up a serving Minister of the Federal Republic in the air and slamming him to the ground. You cannot be calling me a fool in the presence of TV cameras because you don’t know which of my babes is watching.
Well done, Lt. Yerima and the Nigerian Navy. Thanks to General Buratai and the Chief of Defence Staff for coming out very strongly to defend the integrity of the armed forces against such an attack, even though the weapon used was spittle. I no kuku get land for Abuja wey dey can revoke. Kai.
Yele Sowore: Thank You So Very Much
I want to thank from the bottom of my heart the intervention of this huge activist in the matter between Senator Ned Nwoko and his estranged beautiful wife, Regina Daniels. You see, let me tell you why we all should be interested in this case.
This case carries with it so many serious issues that we all should learn from – drugs, domestic violence, generational relationships, in-law relations, diabolism in marriage, polygamy, child care and spousal abuse.
These things are happening regularly in most homes, but we do not really get to hear about them, and as such, we cannot learn from them. This is why this opportunity that these two have given us should be seized upon and studied. Sociologists, marriage counsellors, therapists, religious bodies, traditionalists and indeed everybody must follow this train wreck very closely so that we can learn from it and strengthen society.
This is why I am thanking my brother Sowore so much for wading in. Before he came, the Senator was riding high because of his legal background and exposure as a serving Senator. His releases and information from his side were logic-driven, legally sound and driving home to the point. But Regina, on the other hand, was just throwing out emotional dribble that only satisfied the fickle social media crowd she is used to. No real meat that we can use to better dissect the issue. Oh, he has my sex tape, oh, I have suffered in Ned’s house, oh, I am a queen in my house and nothing in Ned’s house. What are we to do with that one?
Now Yele has jumped in and quickly released her passport showing that he may have travelled with her as an underage, or he may have married her underage, which could, for the first time, throw a criminal charge at Ned.
Ned, under pressure, has released a very serious statement aimed directly at Sowore, countering his allegations and attempting to throw out hard evidence that he married her at 19 years of age.
Now the real battle has begun, and I have carried my notebook and biro, ready to learn. Una know say, me too, I am a polygamist, so you see why this thing really concern me. Thank you.
Rotimi Amaechi: I Agree with You
Tinubu is not invincible; he was defeated in Lagos, and it can be done again. This was Rotimi Amaechi at an event in Abuja the other day. This has been his mantra since he joined the coalition against Tinubu, and I agree with him. There is nobody in this world who is invincible when it comes to politics and even sports. This is why oyibo people have an English word that they call ‘Upset.’
When the great Brazilian football team enters the field, everybody expects them to wallop the next team, and then, once in a while, the unexpected happens. The weak team will just give them a whacking.
This is what Rotimi is expecting. On paper, it’s looking like Tinubu is invincible – the power of incumbency, cross-carpeting of governors, control of everything controllable in the country, but then again, in politics, it’s not over till it’s over.
This Trump thing, insecurity, discontent amongst powerful and influential Yorubas, and the economy, are all things that can be used to build a strong push against his second term.
I think Amaechi knows this, hence his confidence. When he was asked about the other issue of writing results, he countered with a strong solution – voting en masse.
For me, this is where I stand. Soludo just won a reelection with just 400,000 votes. Voter apathy is just the main issue, not even the rigging. How can a country of about 200 million people now elect a whole president with just 600,000 votes? Voter apathy is what is killing us, and our oppressors do everything within their power to ensure that the situation remains the same.
So, would I vote Amaechi as President? God forbid. But is he making sense? Yes. Guys, let’s come out, register and vote so that we can have a very exciting exercise. Even Tinubu himself will be bored if only Seyi and his boys come out to vote. Let’s have fun, guys, let’s register.
Matthew Hassan Kukah: An Orator Par Excellence
This man is not getting older o. He is still looking the way he looked when he used to talk during the IBB regime. He was the keynote speaker at the launch of Dr Abati’s three books during the latter’s 60th birthday. The gist of the party is next week.
The Rev. Father in a blue suit took us through a very sweet and powerful oratorical exercise. With no sign of grey hair, no wrinkles, and almost looking like a boy “yo yo”, he mesmerised the audience, which had prominent personalities like Chief Olusegun Obasanjo and Dr. Goodluck Jonathan, both former presidents.
As he spoke, I stopped listening and started wondering what exactly is this man eating or doing that he has refused to age. As I pondered, the solution came to me very quickly: he is not having sex. Yes, as a reverend father and Bishop, he must have sworn the oath of abstinence, and that may be just why he was not ageing.
Let me explain. The act itself is very good for the ageing process. It is the wahala you get while securing it is what used to make some of us old. The money you will spend, the long talk, the negotiations, the fight, the wondering of so many things that come before, during and after the act that used to make someone age before his time, abi you no see me with grey hair everywhere.
Father Kukah no get any grey hair, has peace of mind, not “passwording” his phone, and doesn’t need to lie about his whereabouts, saying he is travelling to Abuja when he is on one side street in Sokoto. Mbok, pure rest of mind and the man is looking very, very young and handsome. See what abstinence can do to someone? Congrats, my dear Bishop Kukah. Thank you.
Charles Soludo as the Last Man Standing?
Let me quickly send my congratulations to Charles Soludo for his re-election. It has been announced that he won with a landslide, defeating all candidates, including the young actress who has now invited her 292 voters to lunch to thank them.
When I broadcast Prof Soludo’s victory, some of my very close friends who are APC apologists reached out – “Edgar, you don’t understand politics, Anambra is of no strategic value to us,” they echoed. Soludo is Tinubu’s man, as he aligns with the president, and I was just looking at these mumu people.
So, you must align with the president to win votes, as people’s votes don’t count in your republic? Well, no matter what Soludo did or didn’t do, he has shown that he can at least win a reelection without having to cross-carpet like his other colleagues, including that second-term Diri, whose cross-carpeting is still being studied at various Political Science departments in universities across the country. Well done, sir, and God bless.
Nnamdi Kanu: Does He Have a Point?
I watched a video clip of this Mazi Kanu asking the judge one simple question- mbok, what law am I being tried on? From what I have read and heard, because the judge was not shown in the clip, is that the man could not answer that question, which now made Mazi flare up and scream, “You don’t know the law.”
Mbok, this thing can at times be funny. How do you find it so difficult to get closure on a case that is so open and shut for over 10 years?
When that other country caught his counterpart, it did not take seven days, and the man was convicted. Here we are doing adjournment, changing judges, wearing designer suits, arresting his lawyers and still no traction.
At this pace, I may have to join the free Mazi Kanu train because no man deserves to go through what this guy has gone through for over 10 years. Remanded in prison and on trial all of these years. Mbok, just free the man and let us drink water if you cannot even tell him under what law you are trying him on. Thank you.
Olubunmi Tunji-Ojo: Is this True?
I have just read from very unofficial sources that this gentleman, who just happens to be our Minister of the Interior, may have just arrested his own son to teach him a lesson. Please, if this is true, Honourable Minister, God bless you. You will have to come and teach me this thing o as I am very weak.
My children “chance” me. They talk to me anyhow and even “block” me because I love them too much. The other day, my favourite child Chantal gave it to me o. The verbal attack was just too much, so I also blocked her.
She now started boasting that you love me too much, and as such, you cannot do anything, and it’s true. I don’t have the mind to give them a head butt, and I know that I am spoiling them silly.
So, when I heard that you had allegedly used the police to arrest your son to teach him a lesson, I was happy. Yes, if this is true, this is a man. Mbok, can I come for a quick lesson because I need my heart to be hard to do the right thing? If not, these children will crawl all over me o.
Minister, please, how did you manage if this is true? I need help, and very quickly. Was it the MOPOL you used or the normal police? Please, call me ooooo. Thank you.
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