Recently, the family of the Late Mrs. Mary Adekemi Abifarin unveiled a book ‘Agony of Widowhood’ in Ilorin, Kwara state capital. The book was initiated by Mrs. Abifarin but she died before the book was published. Her son, Mr. Olayemi Abifarin, and some members of the family took up the materials left behind by their late mother and published it. Olayemi spoke with Hammed Shittu in Ilorin during the unveiling of the book. Excerpts:
What really inspired you into writing and publishing the book?
Publishing Agony of Widowhood was deeply personal for me. My late mother, Mary Adekemi Abifarin, poured her heart into this book after the painful loss of my father, the inspiration to write the book came from her unwavering passion for helping widows and giving a voice to their struggles. Before she became a widow herself, she was a strong advocate for the welfare of widows, offering support, encouragement, and empowerment to those around her. After the painful loss of our father, she channeled her grief into writing this book, sharing her personal experiences and the realities many widows face in the society.
Sadly, she passed away before the book could be published. As her son, I felt a deep responsibility to honour her legacy and ensure her message reached the world. Publishing Agony of Widowhood is my way of keeping her vision alive—educating families, communities, and policymakers on the plight of widows while inspiring hope and strength for those going through similar experiences.
In the course of writing the book, what are the challenges encountered, especially in the area of collection of materials and other information?
One of the most challenging parts of publishing Agony of Widowhood was piecing together my mother’s handwritten notes, reflections, and drafts after her passing. She had poured her soul into the manuscript, It took time, emotion, and collaboration with close family and friends to gather her thoughts and preserve her voice without altering her intent. Every page felt like a conversation with her, and while it was emotionally draining, it was also healing. The biggest challenge was doing justice to her vision while carrying the weight of our collective grief. It was a painstaking and emotional process, as we also had to validate certain information and ensure the narratives remained authentic. Despite the difficulty, we were determined to honour her vision and complete the work she was so passionate about.
What do you intend to achieve with publishing the book? Are you fulfilled?
The primary purpose of publishing Agony of Widowhood was to preserve and amplify my late mother’s voice and lifelong advocacy for widows. She wrote the book not only to share her personal journey but also to shed light on the challenges widows face and to offer them hope, encouragement, and strength. By bringing her work to completion, we sought to honour her legacy, inspire widows to rise above societal and emotional challenges, and influence communities and policymakers to better support them.
The sense of fulfillment came from knowing that we had carried her vision forward, even in her absence. Seeing the book in print was deeply emotional; it felt as though we had given her words life and ensured her message would continue to touch lives for generations. For me and my family, it was more than publishing a book—it was fulfilling her dream and preserving a part of her soul.
What lessons can the public, especially widows and widowers, learn from the book?
Through Agony of Widowhood, we want the public—especially widows and widowers—to understand that while the pain of losing a spouse is profound, it is possible to find strength, hope, and purpose again. My late mother’s story shows that widowhood should not define or diminish one’s life. She wanted widows and widowers to know they are not alone and to encourage them to embrace healing, build resilience, and continue to live meaningfully. For the wider public, the book is also a call for greater empathy and support for those navigating loss. We hope it inspires families, communities, and leaders to stand by widows and widowers, challenge harmful traditions, and create a more compassionate environment for them to thrive.
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