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I Beg to Disagree with Festus Keyamo

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This is what in Shomolu we used to call “boju boju”. The announcement by the spirited Minister of Aviation, Festus Keyamo, that Kwam 1 has literally been “forgiven” and will be named an ambassador is nothing but real boju boju, and we are not buying it.

You see, if I were not a well-founded young man, I would have even said that just maybe the Ibom Air one was orchestrated to give a perfect excuse to throw this ambassadorship thing at us.

But as I am not a skit maker, I will not go through that side. The whole thing, from the jumping on the conveyor belt by the old Senator, to the holding down a moving plane with a water bottle by the croaky-voiced maestro, down to the royal nude show on Ibom Air, just leaves a bitter taste in the mouth of Nigerians.

Waiving punishment on the back of “repentance” is laying a very dangerous precedent because tomorrow if I slap a pilot and they tear my trouser revealing my massive pecker – yes very massive abeg – me too will do video and remind Nigerians that I “have served the country all my life,” and the minister must be duty bound to name me ambassador in charge of air hostesses.

Did you see the level of attack that the female passenger went through? Did you see the beating she received from “trained airline staff,” and have we watched the videos from all angles and in all of that, “criminal charges have been revoked because she has shown pertinence?

This is nothing but state-backed bullying. Till the moment I filed this column, nothing has been said about those who assaulted the lady, those who stripped her bare and those who released the footage showing her privates. We are all expected to just move on because she has shown “pertinence”?

This is why we will continue to have problems in Nigeria- the lack of punishment. Once you know that you can apologise, beg or call someone, you will commit these felonies with impunity

Imagine the signal this would have sent if Kwam 1 was made to spend just one night in Kiirikiri before his apology. I swear to you, nobody in this country will try that again.

This reminded me of the time I was “arrested” in Abidjan. I was wrongly profiled and whisked to one police station. They said I should urinate in one cup and kept me for questioning. I was afraid because I just knew that I would not be able to make a call or cut a deal.

I was sweating as I knew that I was on my own and had to comply with everything they asked me to do. I zipped down, brought out my now shrunken member and peed. When they were satisfied, I was let go

Who will dare ask Kwam 1 to pee, that person will know where he will find himself the next day.

I just tire for this our country, I swear. Person jump on the conveyor belt, the other one stand in front of a plane, another one wants to use plane to “match” people, another one carry a fire extinguisher pursue the air hostess, who now in turn turned her into a porn star, and now all of them are ambassadors – which kind country be this? Please, show me the way. It’s time for me to japa. I don’t belong here.

Mbok send me Kemi Badenoch’s number, na distant relation. Kai.



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