PDP Governors with No Conviction
Not only him o. They are very plenty o, and when I say plenty I don’t only mean the horde of YES men in his state who have reportedly followed him in this nefarious journey.
We have seen reports that say that his deputy, his exco and the whole House of Assembly including his predecessor who was running mate in the last election have all joined him in this walk of shame.
Reports are now rife that my Governor Umo Eno and his Rivers State counterpart, the bald headed “Fubs” may soon join the bandwagon.
For me, this is not surprising, not even alarming because I for one didn’t expect much from this generation of so-called leaders.
These are not leaders but just merrymen who have found themselves in positions as a result of efficient boot-licking and as such are not guided by any ideology or principles.
My own is that Nigerians should not be fooled that all these moves are in their interest. These are lily-livered men, driven by self-interest and a strong need for self-preservation, and an insane need to preserve their freedom after soiling their hands.My message to Nigerians today is for us not to be alarmed.
Do not worry or stress yourselves for it gets darker just before light. If they like, let them turn us into a one-party state. Let the oga transmute, everything will reset.
Shebi we have seen it before. Nigeria is not a country that you joke with. Our 200 million heads are very strong, when the time comes, everything will reset and these “loafers” will come running to us for shelter and at that time, we will show all of them just what it really means to be a Nigerian.
These ones are behaving like children born by drunk errant sailors who deposit seeds at every port their ships berth and move on. These ones are not Nigerians, they are what we call in Shomolu “Tambolo.” Thank you.
Biodun Shobanjo: I’m off to Minna
This advertising legend has been looking for me to beat ever since I drew his caricature with his fine head far bigger than his body. He would say, “Edgar, I will soon send Mushin boys to you,” and I would boldly reply “I dare you.” Then he would call Mudi and ask him to lend him Warri boys so that they could come and beat me.
He doesn’t know that I have Mudi’s nudes and as such, Mudi is under my control. Mudi would say yes and quickly call me, “Oga dey look for you to beat you.”
That was how Daddy called during the week.
“Duke, I have a message for you in Minna. I will need you to go to Minna and collect something for me.”
I was happy to be of service to this Baba who redefined a whole industry. This Baba who almost single-handedly recreated marketing communications, mentoring so many brilliant minds and have retired elegantly and so deservedly.
An opportunity to serve him would always be grabbed. When he said that I have to go to Niger State, I didn’t hesitate. He told me that he was going to send a oya and he said, I will send a first class ticket and I will stay in the best hotel for just two days.
Then I started seeing clips of Bago. Mbok, I will not call him Excellency this week, na next week I go give am back him title. That one was proclaiming in a languorous voice “any dreadlock person should be arrested, fined and have his hair cut off.”
I just screamed o, na why daddy wan send me go Minna. Kai, what Mudi cannot do, Daddy wants Bago to do it.
Kai, I laughed ehn. These our elder statesmen with sense. Kai, Daddy. I chatted him up, “Oh, so you want Bago to shave my dada?” and he laughed and laughed. Kai.
Eventually, the governor who appears to be thoroughly overwhelmed with the security situation in his state recanted and said – ohh it is the “dada” people who belong to a cult terrorising our state and not the Duke of Shomolu type of “Dada.”
Daddy Shobanjo, shebi you used to watch Mafia films, you have fired round one, wait till I fire my own round. Your caricature this time will have you selling bread inside Shomolu with only “pata.” How are you my Daddy? You remain an engaging icon. Thanks
A Rich Moment with Babatunde Fashola
In this era of lily-livered, yellow men who truly are nothing but “tambolo” leading us, people like His Excellency Babatunde Raji Fashola, SAN stand really tall and almost alone in a forest that is inhabited by scavengers.
Yes, I am angry today and I am sure you can all tell. All these noises of cross-carpeting is really annoying and irritating.
Mbok, let me even leave all that “jagbajantis” and talk better thing abeg. My very good paddy, Pastor Ituah Ighodalo, set up this meeting for me on the back of the new book on power that I am working on.
Meeting with Mr. Fashola was very rich. The discussions went from the UK Supreme Court’s definition of who a woman is down to the current state of national leadership, and touched on the seeming helplessness of some governors to handle insecurity in their state, to leadership in governance – a topic he would be contributing to in the book, and ended up with his stints as a two-term governor of Lagos.
He took me very comprehensively into the fight against the Ebola scourge which threatened to ravage the state during his time. We also looked at Lagos State – executive and legislative relations, party and executive, intra-executive relationships and all.
For the first time in a long while, I wasn’t bored listening to a retiree. You know those people can talk you to death. They will talk for hours and hours and you will just sit down there with a smile on your face, praying for the nurse to come in for the hourly injection so you can run away.
Fashola was different. He was engaging and by the time he got to the state of the Judiciary, I was salivating and begging for more.
Unfortunately, I cannot be specific and go into details as it was a gentleman’s conversation and I be gentleman.
If you want to hear, go to Pastor Ituah, beg am to give you access and then you self go to Fashola house go and hear.
Thank you so much sir, that was head opening, I swear. I am better for it. God bless you sir.
That Aso Rock Solar Panel Matter…
When Daddy see N300million bill, he shout o. “Gbajaaaaaaaaa!!! Gbajaaaaaaa!!! Kilo de oo. Which one is this one again o.” Gbaja shaking, would have replied “Sir, it is bill from the Disco.” Baba would drop his morsel of amala and say “aghhhh, efe kpa mi ni. What kind of bill is this?”
Gbaja would reply “Baba mi, last month it was N50 million, so how it jumped to this one, I don’t understand. Yes, we are in Band A, it should not be like this o.”
“Is Seyi still sleeping with AC?” Daddy asks. “Yes sir,” replies Gbaja . Tinubu would shout – this boy will not kill me. I had told him to stop sleeping with AC. Look Gbaja, I did not come from Bourdillon to come and be paying this kind bill, please what is the alternative?
Gbaja would now smile and whisper into Baba’s ear: “Inverter is what everybody is using o.” Baba would ask, “please what is that?” and Gbaja would answer “It is something that will be using solar to be charging the batteries and then it will give you light. Everybody is using it, even Buhari in Daura.
Then Baba would beckon Gbaja and pull his ear: “Is Obi or Atiku or that weaselly El-Rufai using it?”
“Those ones are illiterates na, they have never heard of solar powered energy before, you can verify what I am saying if you don’t believe me,” would be Gbaja’s reply.
“Oya go and install it quickly.
My people of Nigeria, everybody is on their own o. When our president has resorted to self-help, wetin remain on this matter. For the rest of us na to go back to lantern and candles o. Back to the stone age. Na wa.
Poju Oyemade and His ‘Wobbly’ Platform
When you make statements without cross-checking your facts, you run into the kind of turbulence this Man of God has run into.
He reportedly said that a medical doctor would have spent N500,000 to qualify as against the $2,000 to do the same in America or something to that effect.
This statement is so arrogantly annoying that one would have felt a very strong need to ignore it and move on. But you all sha know that I like looking for trouble and as such, this would have been very difficult for me to ignore.
N500,000 for what? Is it to buy the form or to buy the buckets, broom and candle to take with you if na UCH you dey go?
This young man should by now have a huge back-office team that would be preparing him for these engagements so that he would not be coming out in public to be spewing “okpata.”
The statement has really annoyed the Association of Resident Doctors and rightly so. They have asked for his testicles and have been going at him with venom.
My own is that, Oga should just retract the statements, apologise to the group and mind his business of “farming for tithes” and not put his mouth in areas that he has no competence or wey no concern am. Na wa.
T.Y Danjuma’s Self-defence Advocacy
For the umpteenth time, General Danjuma has been reported to have asked for self-defence. I am beginning to shift grounds with the way people are being massacred in that Benue -Plateau axis.
Almost on a daily basis, we hear of hundreds being slaughtered just like that so that cows can feed amongst other mundane reasons.
Authorities seem overwhelmed and apart from issuing statements of “fishing out and dealing decisively with the culprits,” nothing happens. In fact, as the man is issuing his statement in Abuja, another 100 are being disemboweled in Taraba.
I think time is rife for us to look towards General Danjuma’s suggestion even if it is in a limited capacity. If there is some kind of deterrence, just maybe, we may begin to witness some sort of calmness.
Gen Danjuma, it’s looking like you are beginning to look right with this preferred solution. Let’s try it abeg, the killings are just too much. Sad.
Shimite Bello: A Very Sad Story
I saw this lady’s picture and asked myself a very succinct question. Who would kill such a beautiful woman? The report that she might have been poisoned by her husband hit the airwaves, sending shock waves all over the country.
The lady was an adviser to the decamped Governor of Delta State who came with a deep pedigree of work both in the public and private sector.
Somehow, from what we can piece together, she may have found herself in an abusive relationship which could have led to this sad occurrence.
We cannot speak very factually as investigations are ongoing but that said, the fact that she is no more under such shady circumstances leaves much to be desired. This is truly a very sad story.
Ebitime Agama: The Conflict Next Door
This is the Director General of the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) and under his watch Nigerians have lost N1.3 trillion to a Ponzi scheme.
Mbok, if you were in his shoes what exactly would you have done as a man of principle?
Make we no go far- that thing you want to say is not Nigerian. No Nigerian, dead or alive would resign over a paltry loss of the sum of N1.3 trillion. After all, the money is not enough to install solar energy in Oyo State.
So, my brother first slides into – we will help recover all the funds, and then slides back again – we can no longer do that, and then finally slides into – we would arrest bloggers and influencers.
See, when we do not have expansive leaders in place, issues like this would be approached with the pettiness of out-of-favour prostitutes fighting over that one lazy customer who saunters in.
As I write, no head has rolled in the surveillance unit of SEC. The DG has not offered his resignation, he has not been summoned by the National Assembly and nothing but empty statements.
They say, ohhh he has been warning them and they didn’t listen. These are funds being moved through a system with regulators every inch of the way and monies that volume just disappear o. Not cash o that someone can say they put in a box and run away at night but a system with approval matrix at all levels.
The N1.3 trillion loss should shake the DG of CAC, Governor of CBN, head of EFCC, bank MDs and all of these funny people who have played a role in effecting collections and transfers. Instead of these, na bloggers and influencers who have not been forewarned by policy or laws that are being harassed.
The problem is that there are no consequences. If I were the President today, I know wetin I for don do this SEC DG. Kai, I just trust myself. But it’s ok, na Nigeria. Thank you.
Portable’s Dismantling of Speed Darlington
Last week, some brilliant Nigerians put these two annoying fellas in a ring and made a ton of money. Everybody won except Speed who is better known as Akpi. He was beaten to a pulp. In fact, the beating he received is like the one I once received when one Igbo boy beat me at Awoseyin street in Shomolu when I was still hawking bread.
The man landed blows on my face in their thousands to the point that I started hallucinating and people had to pour water all over me to wake me up.
The Yoruba man is a natural boxer. Go watch them at the various motor parks that litter Lagos. Once there is a call for a fight, they immediately strike the pose of a boxer, prancing up and down and throwing punches in the air, and shouting “ko ni da fun eh.”
The Igbo man on the other hand is a natural wrestler. Even Chinua Achebe’s Okonkwo typifies this.
If you watch any fight between Agbero in Isale eko and Igbo trader you will see what I mean. The “agbero” will be doing like Mohammed Ali. He will be prancing, running all over the place with his arms blocking his face in a classic boxer’s pose and screaming, “ma kpa ehhh.”
His cronies will also be shouting “eba wa kpa omo yibo,” but the Igbo boy will strike his natural wrestler pose waiting for the moment where he can move in and lift the Yoruba boy from the ground and drop him in a Russian bear hug and everything will finish.
So putting Akpi, an akpu laden Igbo boy, in the boxing ring with an agbero who even went to prison a few days earlier to continue his training was sending Akpi to what could have been his early grave.
Akpi received so much beating that even me, I come dey vex in my house. By the end of the fight, Akpi was looking for his seat as his eyes were both closed from the punches.
Portable has beaten two Igbo boys now and to add insult to the injury, Burna Boy was said to have sent him N20m for a job well done.
I think the next celebrity fight between an Igbo boy and a Yoruba boy should be wrestling. This boxing is giving the Yoruba boys an undeserved advantage.
Yourba and igbo people are our real problem in this Nigeria. They think we don’t know that they like themselves and they will be pretending to be fighting themselves.
Just go and check the rate at which they are having sex with each other and marrying themselves and you will see that they are just scamming us. They love themselves o.
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