Obafemi Hamzat: An Apology and a Homily
President Bola Tinubu has finally endorsed Lagos State Deputy Governor Obafemi Hamzat as the flag-bearer for their party, APC, in the coming elections in Lagos. I would like to send my apologies to two very detached but strong supporters of this wonky process – Usman and Supo.
Usman and Supo are both members of our BGL alumni group, and during heated arguments, had made me pledge to apologise to them if Hamzat was chosen as the consensus candidate of their party, the APC.
As a man of my word, I, therefore, render my apologies to both of them, who do not really understand the damage such processes do to our democracy.
So, with this and other happenings in APC enclaves, the choice of the people has effectively been finally commandeered and resides within the ambits of structures and processes that really do not have anything to do with the people. A process designed by some individuals, populated by these individuals and controlled by the same individuals now decides who gets what, when and how in our so-called democracy. People like Usman and Supo applaud and force people like us, who are asking where democracy is, to apologise to them.
Like, I have told them, my apology is not to them o, they should not for once ever gloat that I have apologised to them ooo. My apology is a clear mockery of a system that has redefined true democracy and coloured it with geriatric connotations. A system that sees very old people consult within themselves, pick a candidate, and then we now go to the polls like zombies to put an official stamp on the candidate.
So, my dear brother, Hamzat, whose major qualification for this enthronement is patience, I really do wish you well and pray that as you have waited this long, may your road be rough as Tai Solarin thought of us.
But to Usman and Supo, be very sure that the light at the end of this very dark tunnel is in sight, and the brightness of the morning remains quite inevitable. I thank you.
When you are ready for your plates of Afang, let me know.
Tunji Disu: What Manner of a Police Force?
This is the kind of story that village women will gather around to gist, clap their hands, hiss and then fold their hands over saggy breasts, with tears flowing down their faces. How can a woman lose two sons to the same police force? A force that has the constitutional responsibility of protecting her, and it is that same force that has brought immeasurable sadness and sorrow to her.
Nigerians woke up to the horrific and latest episode of police brutality. Real-time, online, we watched with our own “korokoro” eyes the urgent summary execution of a young lad by an alleged member of the Nigerian Police Force. I will say alleged because the shooter was not in uniform, but carried out the dastardly act in front of a Nigerian Police Force marked vehicle.
The story was that the young lad had gone to pick up a parcel, and when the parcel was opened, it carried a weapon, and the police were called in and despite all pleas from the young man that he was being deceived and that he was willing to take the policemen to “Sapele, where the boy dey”, he got bullets for his efforts.
Thankfully, the police authorities have acted swiftly by arresting the murderous policeman with his team and have assured us that all will be done within their powers to have these errant officers face the maximum penalty for such a dastardly act.
There is nothing more to say on this matter and the seeming collapse of this institution at this juncture than to just say that on this one sha o, we will not agree. It is sad and shameful.
Winnie Mandela: A Queen of Thorns?
Last weekend, as I no get money again, I sat down and watched the whole six-part series of the documentary on Winnie Mandela, the late South African activist and icon.
The Netflix documentary was hosted by her two granddaughters, who took us through some details about her life in struggle. Winnie herself featured very prominently in the whole documentary as she was serially interviewed, allowing her to tell us in her own words her trajectory and to also, for the last time, better explain some of the controversies she got involved in just before she passed- she died shortly after the shooting.
Winnie, for me, remains a controversial and much misunderstood figure. She was weaned in violence, grew up in disdain and strengthened by the resolve to change things. She pursued a non-accepting mission to foster change in her homeland. This brought so many indignities to her, bans, detention, imprisonment, among others. But what you cannot take from her was the sustaining of the fight against apartheid after the total beheading of the ANC leadership through long prison terms. Her husband, who was the icon of the struggle, was incarcerated for 27 years, and I must dare say that without Winnie’s struggle, the whole mission and Mr. Mandela himself would have been left to rot in prison.
What did she get in return? A divorce, further trials and the smearing of her name as a result of her being mentioned in various criminal activities, both sexual and otherwise?
For me, I refuse to accept the banishment of this woman and dare to say that the fight for the end of the evil apartheid system was Winnie’s fight. Mandela himself was just a symbolic icon of the struggle. Winnie was the one who, for 27 years, kept the flames alive, and this is why, from the documentary, her burial was as big as that of Nelson, if not far bigger.
Omoyele Sowore: A Mischievous Taunt
In our very own eyes, Mr. Omoyele Sowore is transforming from a national sidepiece to a relevant and powerful player in the struggle to right things in our nation. In the last 40 years, Sowore has been in the trenches, struggling, protesting and pushing an agenda that he believes we need as a nation to grow.
For his efforts, he has been maligned, detained, imprisoned and has suffered many indignities. Despite all of these, he continues to push and maintain course, earning him great respect.
Remember how he fought the last Inspector-General of Police to a standstill, calling that one ‘illegal IG’ from day one till the day he was asked to go.
He suffered much more under the late President Buhari’s government, with Abubakar Malami, the then Attorney-General, leading the push through various agencies under him to throw dry pepper into Sowore’s eyes. Passport seizures, illegal detentions, extended stay in prisons, various and spurious court cases, treasonable accusations, all sorts were thrown at this man under Malami, but he survived. Today, Malami is now the one facing the fire he used to throw at Sowore, and Sowore did not waste time in taunting him when they met at the corridors of one of the courts. “See as the system is doing you now?, Sowore was reported to have asked Malami, who, in shame, tried to dodge.
But the lesson to us Nigerians was very clear – a child of an impetuous and corrupt system would, no matter how long, be devoured by the same system that he championed. It is not a curse but an inevitability that we can do nothing to change.
So, for the current champions, I wish you all are watching the travails of Citizen Malami, who is being thrown from one detention cell to another prison by a system that he once superintended. Fate and destiny? No, my people, na lack of sense. Simple.
For Gov Umo Eno, It’s An International Accolade
As a strong and rabid personal critique of my governor, the “bald” Governor Umo Eno of Akwa Ibom State, I would like to send a huge bouquet of sweet flowers to him for the recent inaugural flight from the newly redesigned Uyo International Airport in Akwa Ibom State to the Kotoka International Airport in Accra, Ghana.
In things like this, one would simply put political differences aside and send the well-deserved accolade to a governor who, with this one move, has earned the admiration of millions, including me.
For a governor whose first thought was the ill-conceived “happy hour,” Governor Eno seems to have grown into this position. We continue to see marked development in our state, although not at the level of what we are used to, but still consistent and shared in its application, all culminating in this giant stride with the upgrading of our airport to that of an international one.
Governor Eno, God bless you, and I must say that despite our initial misgivings, which led to your moving to the APC, away from our traditional rightist positioning as a state, you have really tried, thereby winning my grudging respect. Well done, sir, and God bless you.
Shoprite: A Tale of Two Pennies
Last time I walked into one of the sprawling outlets of this giant brand, I almost wept. The air-conditioning was not working, and the shelves were mostly empty. When I asked a staff member what was going on, he shamefully lied – we are stocking up.
Today, I have seen a report suggesting that the new owners of the brand have failed to meet the out-of-court settlement of about N400million to its creditors, and as a result, its directors have been stopped by a court from selling its assets in protection of the judgment sum owed to the judgment creditors.
The moment the South African original investors sold out, one knew that with the usual Nigerian factor, it would only be a matter of time before the whole place collapses.
The inevitable has happened, and the doors have not only been shut, but the brand has been thrown into serious debt, leading to litigation and humiliation. This is just a sad outcome from an otherwise very beautiful story. Thank you.
Isoken Iduneko: A Miserly Miscalculation
This lady is one of those people in Shomolu that we call “dodoyo.” The rest of you will call her “mumu,” while our cousins in Bariga will call her “shugomu.”
You will be wondering who she is and why I am calling her all of these names.
Well, reports have shown us that this Ibadan-based lady refused to return the princely sum of N2,000 mistakenly paid into her bank account for whatever reason.
All entreaties to her to return the sum fell on deaf ears. So now, she has found herself in court and slammed with a N500,000 bail and may be facing jail time.
How someone could openly push herself into this kind of problem beats all reasonable sense of judgment. N2,000 that cannot buy you a loaf of bread, “na im you come carry yourself dey go court”.
This one cannot be placed on the table of poverty but can be squarely placed on the altar of slammed “mumuism.”
That is how one other man, rather than return millions mistakenly paid into his account, opted for prison. The huge sum involved and the poverty in the land can make someone even look at that one, but this one? N2,000? It can only be spiritual, I tell you. Kai.
Kunle Soname: A Befitting Celebration
During the week, gentleman Kunle Soname celebrated his 60th in his Ikenne homestead. For those of you who do not know, Mr. Soname is the brains behind iconic Nigerian brands- Bet9ja and Value Jet. He also owns the Remo Stars football club and Optimus Bank, a fast-growing regional bank.
As expected, the place was filled with revellers coming from all aspects of his life. I was invited o and I stormed the place to see my brother Yemi Shodimu on the stage as MC as usual.
I moved ahead to hug Mr. Soname and saw so many other big guns, including Olopade Bukola, the Sports Commission honcho, among others.
Mr. Soname is self-effacing, a humble and contrite man who does not carry his status on his shoulders, hence his huge popularity among the people.
To show his massive crossover appeal, both sides of the Remo Senatorial fight were represented at the party, which now led to a physical brawl. The brawl was quickly put out, and the party continued.
Happy birthday, egbon, and may God continue to give you super fulfillment so that you can continue to touch lives the way you do.
Carter Efe vs Portable: A Pummelling in the Dark
Carter Efe and Portable are millionaires but are also the greatest irritants in Nigeria’s creative space.
That is how my brother Ezekiel Adamu decided to spend over N1.4 billion in staging one of the biggest ever celebrity-boxing events on the continent.
I hear each boxer took home N40million even before the fight and Carter the eventual winner took an additional N50million.
I missed the fight because I was busy having fun at the Liquid Hub – a watering hole for Lagosians who grew up in the 80s.
But when I got home at around 1a.m., I started monitoring the bout.
Mbok Carter mauled Portable. It is not good to beat up someone’s husband and father like that.
Carter used the advantage of his reach to hold down Portable’s neck and from their landed punches that were designed to remodel Portable’s face
Kai, at some point, I started vexing that this was too one-sided to be called a boxing match and it is to Portable’s glory that he took all the punches without getting punch drunk
Remember that Portable was the reigning champion after mauling Speed Darlington and Charles Okocha
This was so exciting that I reached out to Ezekiel this morning who now confirmed to me that over 300 foreigners flew in for the fight, another 350 jobs were created and an excess of N1.4 billion was generated in merchandise, hotels, airlines, food and beverages amongst other economic benefits
Ezekiel comes from a rich sporting pedigree and should be given a national platform to do more because what we saw last night was monstrous
Lastly, I advise Portable to go for a full medical check-up to make sure that everything is intact. This one is not work for ‘Agbo’. He needs cosmetic surgery because his face is ‘scattered’. Kai!
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