What an Incontinent Truth from Simi
This sultry songstress has run into a very wild turbulence on social media, and as I write, I heard that one government agency has entered the matter. Apparently, she had lent a voice to the movement against rape. One thing led to another, and before you know it, her tweets of 10 years ago resurfaced.
The tweets were “sick” to say the least, as she was seen describing how she felt like “locking lips” with a four-year-old and describing how her “legs were shaking” after an apparent sexual encounter with a 16-year-old.
As expected, she was ravaged on social media, and her response was ill-advised.
“I was not famous then…… and people can misconstrue what they like.”
Well, it is totally wrong to slap a woman, but I crave a waiver to say this: if she had given me such a lame excuse, I would have slapped her the way I slapped my driver for getting drunk and smashing my car.
Now, the issue for me is the fact that by her own admission, she was in charge of her mother’s Day Care Centre. With her latest response, only God knows just how exposed and exploited the little children must have been.
Another thing is the very quiet approach that the usually raging feminists have gone with this particular one. If it were a man now, we would have to collapse the country, but since it’s a female icon, openly confessing to exploiting and sexually doing things with young ones, they seem to have gone into hibernation.
What this has brought out is the fact that most men have been sexually abused in their childhood and teens – including me, but the difference, at 16, I wouldn’t say I was abused, but that I thoroughly enjoyed myself and used to look forward to those nightly expeditions.
This still doesn’t remove the fact that exploitation happened, the power equation was violated, and all the negativity of the act occurred and is still occurring. Mbok, let the feminists allow us to see road and begin to look closer at the abuse which is going on within the population of our little boys in the hands of these “mad adult women”. Thank you.
Asue Ighodalo: The Best Governor Edo Will Soon Have?
Dr. Abati is a delight to watch on ARISE News. His quips, usually laced with humour, make for pleasurable viewing. The other day, trying to explain the Governor of Edo State’s inability to pronounce GCFR, he said – Edo people ‘chose…’ over Asue Ighodalo.
Immediately I heard that, I paused my laughter and reminded myself that I do not really think Edo people “chose” this one o. It is looking like the man and his “ogas” just woke up one morning and said “take,” and before you blinked, Edo State now has a Governor that is linguistically challenged.
The man also seems to be sleeping through his tenure, as we are not really seeing any signs of “work” as my egbon Shina Peters once said, “grammar no be am.”
If there was work, we would not care if the man cannot even spell his complex surname but as it is…..
Well, the truth is that Asue remains a strong vertical in the politics of the state. Edo truly deserves much more than they are getting right now, especially with their rich pedigree and positioning within the Nigerian context. I am not in any way in doubt that one day, they will certainly get what they truly deserve – Asue Ighodalo.
You people know that I “no dey hide my mouth” and when it comes to Edo, I am involved. One of my wives na Edo, my pikin na half-Edo and as such, we must find a governor that can spell and pronounce ‘schizophrenia’ among other things. No be only GCFR. Come and beat me.
Omoyele Sowore: Egbetokun Down, Yele’s Victory
One must give Yele grudging respect on this matter. He has been very consistent on the matter of the former IG of Police, Egbetokun. He carried a megaphone and was walking up and down all the markets in Nigeria shouting, “illegal IG.”
For that, he really suffered in that one’s hands.
Yele was beaten, charged, arrested, teargassed for this and other things, where he will be ‘putting mouth.’ But his cry was not only stringent but very purposeful.
We seem to continue to destroy structure and process for “persons.” The rule is very clear: 35 years in service or 60 years of age. Bros didn’t meet these ones, and we amended the rule? We amended the rule? Kai. And only Sowore stood up and shouted, while the rest of us, like me, hid under our women’s big bosom.
Today, the people, for their own reasons, because the reasons obviously “no concern” us, have removed and replaced him with another “wahala,” further weakening the structure and processes.
I don’t want to say anything about acting IG Disu, who has been elevated from AIG with dizzying speed, overtaking people, until the issue becomes much clearer. But for now, all I will say is that when we finish shaking and destroying the structure, the cats will come home to roost because we will now really become a true Banana Republic. At that time, it will be all man to himself.
I thank our leaders, I really thank you and as our exuberant former First Lady, the great Dr Patience Jonathan would say, “continueeeeeee!!!”
Tony Ibeziakor: A Good Man Stands up
Tony Ibeziakor was, until recently, an Executive Director at the NGX. He achieved a few feats during his tenure.
He was directly involved in all the major listings – MTN, Airtel, Aradel, and Geregu that lifted listings and market capitalisation.
He is known to have eagle eyes for revenue and revenue optimisation at the NGX, where he led recent enterprise efforts to review enterprise annuity income to its current standards and listings fees structure for all transactions on the NGX.
He pushed all investor roadshows in Asia, London, NYC and Singapore.
He was primarily responsible for the launch of the successful NGX Premium Board and the Growth Board, respectively, the MOU and dual listings framework between Lagos and London, Lagos, Nasdaq Dubai and Bank of Industry (BOI).
He was also said to be responsible for the proposed dollar listings on NGX.
Despite all of these and more, the market woke up to a huge blow – he was asked to resign. Aghhhhh!!! People like me protested, worked my phones, but despite that, the decision had been taken, and all I was hearing was – Edgar, let’s look for a soft landing for your friend. Nigeria had just happened to one of the best market brains since Subomi Balogun and me.
Well, you see that Aliko Dangote did not emerge the richest black man since King Solomon by not being strategic. While the turbulence was going on, Baba just silently tapped Tony. He has now resumed as GM Corporate Finance at the Dangote Group.
Dangote Group is one of the most capitalised shares on the NGX; its shares make “market”, and now Baba is thinking of listing his humongous Dangote Refinery, and the market is expected to be seriously strengthened by it.
Now, judging by the impact of this move on markets, the economy and the world, the need for Alhaji to strengthen his team to ensure fluidity in the process and maximum impact, he just tapped Tony as NGX were busy playing Ludo with one of their best hands.
Well, let me end my masterclass for now and just say congrats Dangote, congrats Dangote Group and Congrats Ibeziakor. Exciting days ahead.
JK Randle: Let Me Breathe
The elder statesman who introduced me to satire will not let me rest since they appointed Ogbeni Disu as acting IGP. Now I am not sure again which of these two great schools he attended – St Gregory’s or King’s College. Apparently, there seems to be a rivalry between the alumni of the two schools, as the St. Gregory’s people have been mocking the King’s College people on the appointment.
All day, Baba has been pelting me with feedback from St Gregory’s people, gloating and shimmering at the King’s College people.
I cannot ask Baba wetin concern me for all these gloating over acting position. You know these our elder statesmen; you have to be very careful how you talk to them before they go and use kolanut and yab you. That was how Dr Biodun Shobanjo, the advertising legend, would be yabbing me daily on WhatsApp.
Even when I threatened to yab him too, he didn’t stop and threatened to send skinny Mudi to come and beat me.
All these our national icons must continually be preserved and honoured with laughter, respect and joy. JK Randle is much more than an icon; his grandfather was a medical doctor who did a lot for our people and was the head of the first-ever delegation to the Olympic Games in 1936. But seriously, if they continue pelting me with yabis and the rest, I will retaliate by sending one hot female nude picture to them o. Make nobody call ambulance o.
Usoro Akpabio: Missing Lady
Yes, this extremely beautiful and brainy lady is truly missing in action. Since she was appointed DG – or is it Executive Chairman, or is it Managing Director, because we really don’t know these things anymore – she has been missing in action. People are complaining that they can’t reach her anymore.
One very frustrated former close friend of hers called. “Edgar, mbok, this Usoro never take my call for months.” I replied, “My brother, my own don pass one year,” and he screamed.
I now called someone that I knew would know exactly what was happening, and he explained. “See Edgar, Usoro is under tremendous pressure. She is in and out of meetings both at the commission and at the National Assembly. She is our worthy ambassador, and she must succeed. Even I, she hardly takes my calls, and I understand because of the nature of the national assignment she is on.”
“Aghhhh, see Edgar as we are talking, she just texted me – I just saw that Edgar was trying to reach me, we are just rounding up a committee meeting at the National Assembly – you see, Edgar, let’s cut her some slack.”
I said ok ooo, me I was just trying to see if she can come and let’s eat afang and that is all o.
Usoro is simply one of the brightest brains out of Akwa Ibom in recent times. Over the years, she has worked very assiduously to build a very rich career path, which led to her appointment and which, from what I am hearing, she is really giving her best to the admiration of strategic people.
Adiagha, we are here rooting for you. No worry about the calls, don’t let us distract you, keep the fire burning for us because you represent us in the corridors of power. Well done, Adiagha Eka. God bless you.
Mike Ozekhome: A Surprisingly and Confusing Event
They say the federal government wants to lay 12 charges bordering on all sorts against this bobo. When I first heard of this case, I quickly googled the man to make sure that it is the same Ozekhome they are talking about o. When I saw his picture, complete with that side pattern on his head, I screamed o.
Mbok, wetin happen? How did this very erudite legal scholar and barometer of integrity find himself in such a mess? This is really bad o. Forgery, money laundering, property theft? Am I missing something? Is something going wrong?
Well, as they say, na suspect. He will certainly have his day in court, and I sincerely hope that, for his sake, he can argue himself out of this matter, because if not, this would really be a sad chapter. Kai, Oga, why na?
E-Money, Carter Efe and Peller: Hubris in Luxury
These ones are just doing as if it is not in the same Nigeria that we all live. So, this person they call E-money, preens around like an over-fed peacock living life on a hedonistic pathway and splashing his wealth all over the place, in celebrating his birthday, was said to have given out 35 luxury cars.
Now these two naughty boys – Carter Efe and Peller, who have huge followership on social media, were among the two lucky recipients. But wait for it. Less than 24 hours after they took possession of the cars, they destroyed them in a fit of absurd stupidity.
As if that was not enough taunting the hardworking and suffering Nigerians, the E-Money person replaced one of the cars and gave the second drifter N10m to go and repair the car.
Let me just keep quiet on this matter. I have given you guys the gist. Please send me text messages on what you think, and next week, I will collate all and give my judgment. My number is at the top of the page. Thanks.
Moji Adeyeye: Filling the Big Shoes
Prof is the current DG of NAFDAC, the agency that regulates what we drink, use to cure ourselves and a lot more. Let me reveal that this Easter, I will be staging a play on one of her predecessors, Dora Akunyili. This has made me look a little bit more closely at the Madam and her organisation.
The other day, on a visit to their Isolo office, I encountered a huge crowd of protesters, and when I checked, I found out that they were protesting the banning of sachets as a method of packaging alcohol.
Hitherto, I thought the ban was for health reasons regarding the packaging, but I later found out that the main reason was that the packaging allows for ease of acquisition by people, especially underage people. I heard that alcohol content in some of these packages can be as high as 45%, leading to addiction, drunkenness and dereliction in our youth population.
Kai, even my driver is addicted, and it’s sad the ease with which these sachets are procured at low prices. They are fast turning our youth population into zombies, and for this, every right-thinking person should support NAFDAC on this.
I am hoping to sit down with Madam to better get a grasp of NAFDAC and their role in sanitising this our country. So, madam, I have “waka” that your Isolo office almost taya, can you pity a poor man and give me five minutes? Thanks, and God bless you for the good work you are doing.
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