Ebere Wabara
“I…heartily convey a profound felicitations….” Why the boyish blunder?
“Among other numerous reasons, the faces of Ebonyi people are beaming with smiles….” A rewrite: Ebonyi people are beaming. You beam with only your face and it is never with a frown! Check out the meaning of ‘beam’ for elucidation.
“…Your Excellency has shown that his administration is people centred (sic)….” Would it have been object-centred? Please avoid mechanistic and trite expressions!
“…the soon to be reconstituted (the soon-to-be-reconstituted) exco would (will—it is not a probability) still accommodate those who….”
“South East battles with unknown gunmen….” Worsening insecurity in Nigeria: this fad about ‘unknown gunmen’ must stop! How do you know gunmen? Just say ‘gunmen’—this kindergartner goof should not be found in an Editorial!
“…and destroyed properties worth millions of naira in communities in….” ‘Property’ can only be inflected in real estate communication—not household items or other infrastructural elements.
“Government should also consider decentralising (decentralizing, preferably) the police to make it (them) more effective for them (take note of this curious correct entry as opposed to the preceding usage) to apprehend criminals.”
“Our black brothers in (on) other continents….”
You are welcome to stateside English: “Unknown assassins last week pulled the trigger on Imo-born US-based show biz (showbiz) promoter in Owerri.” How on earth will assassins be known in Owerri of all places? Let it just be ‘assassins’ for reportorial purposes.
“The Lord’s Chosen Charismatic Revival Movement invites you to a 2-day annual power packed (power-packed) crusade”
“TUC, private firm partner to build 100,000 house (100,000-house) project” Or, loosely: 100,000 house projects
“Benin murder: Cop arraigned, remanded in prison” The cop would not have been remanded without being arraigned and when remanded it is in prison! So, a rewrite: Benin murder: Cop remanded
“Burial rites of (for) Oba of…begin July 10”
“Police nabs (nab) 3 robbery suspects in Ondo”
“Nigeria-China relations: The issue of oil for infrastructure (oil-for-infrastructure) deals (1)”
“Hisbah cops, hoteliers (hoteliers’) association at war in Kano”
“Maintain your culture and tradition, Igbos (Igbo) in Zamfara, (needless comma) urged”
“If you have seen him or have information on his whereabout (whereabouts), kindly call or contact the nearest police station or any office of the Federal Inland Revenue Service”
“IBM to invest $100m on (in) system development”
“JOGS 1974/1979 set elects new excos” People & Events: The school elected an executive. ‘Executives’ (excos) here will connote different groups of executives—this is different from the use of ‘officials’. Furthermore, ‘new’ is otiose! ‘Election’ means inauguration of new officials, while re-election means re-endorsement of the existing (old) officials (excos).
“…and a sense of purpose in consolidating our 120 year (120-year) heritage as a Bank that puts her (its) customers first.” No feminization of language!
“The people of Offa in Kwara State appeal to banks to re-open (reopen) their branches….”
“Our society has not yet ravenously demanded for justice for those raped.” Yank away the first redundant ‘for’!
“Lagos set to provide homes for first time (first-time) buyers”
“Advocating for specialization for estate surveyors and valuers” Just like ‘demand’, ‘advocate’ does not admit ‘for’ when used as a verb or as a gerund. Again, delete the first ‘for’.
“In 2003, our public universities were closed for five months because universities (university) lecturers employed wildcat’s measure (wildcat strike) to agitate for improved welfare conditions.”
“…on this great occasion of his 49th Birthday Anniversary” ‘Birthday’ and ‘anniversary’ cannot co-function!
“Yet, he emerged from prison without bitterness, extending an olive branch of peace to his erstwhile oppressors and helping to lay a solid foundation for a peaceful multiracial South Africa.” Mandela’s example: ‘Olive branch’ does not require adumbration (‘of peace’)”
“This comprises of a house in Johannesburg….” Take away ‘of’ because of its awkwardness here….
“This speaks volume (volumes) of the sheer compassion and humanity of the man.”
“In doing so, they under-develop their countries, impoverish majority (a majority) of their people….”
“The wealthy among us also have something to emulate in (from) Mandela’s generosity of spirit….”
“Afenifere leader says Yorubas (Yoruba) not opposed to conference”
“We celebrate your illustrious life, your inspiring leadership which has culminated into (in) monumental transformation of….”
“Association of Local Government (Governments) of Nigeria (ALGON) Ekiti State Chapter”
“Edo: Court remands killer cop in prison” Where else would the cop have been remanded?
“CBN said money is (was) missing from federation account (the federation account).”
“Hope dims for Nigeria, Cameroun cross border (cross-border) oil wells exploration”
“DISCOs blame TCN over (for) power”
“Congratulations, (needless comma) Your Excellency and more grease (power) to your elbow.”
“Again, Anambra PDP leadership tussle resurrects” The first and last words in the extract cannot function in the same environment.
“6 students remanded in Osun prisons for alleged illegal possession of arms” Where else would they have been remanded? In the shrine!
“Herbalist bags 14 years (years’) jail term for fraud”
“Kano to revive young farmers (farmers’) clubs in schools”
“Police arrest Zuma’s son over (for) fatal crash”
“…where three deaf and dumb bothers (boarders) are students”
“Works across all data enabled (data-enabled) feature phones” (Full-page advertisement by MTN)
“Investors’ interest shift (shifts)…”
“I won four golds as a nursing mother…” ‘The most widely-read newspaper’: four gold medals
“The privilege (privileged) class has taken over virtually everything….”
“…power show in the country is choking the common man on the street….” My own view: the man/woman in the street (also the man/woman on the street) ‘Commonness’ is implied!
“…and that these have the potential to trigger off crisis (a crisis) the end of which nobody could fathom.”
Next is a special extract from the edition under review: “Reports said no fewer than 44 people were slaughtered penultimate Tuesday night by some unknown gunmen (we can never know the gunmen—so spare readers the ‘unknown’ trite!) at Dumba village on the outskirt (outskirts) of Baga town in the Kukawa Local Government Area of the state.”
“Our members have earned the allowances by working for the money and therefore we are not begging for crump (crumbs) from government.”
“She said the motive is (was) still unknown….”
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