Atiku Abubakar: Let’s Do It
It is gradually getting to the point where nobody will be able to convince me that Atiku Abubakar is not clandestinely working for President Tinubu. The reason is very simple; if he were not, he would most likely be doing things differently.
A lot of people are wondering why such an experienced and well-engaged politician of his calibre would continue on this political journey. It is very clear that this ADC will not work, very clear that his aspirations will continue to cause division in the opposition, not allowing them to mount a decidedly strong engagement against a Tinubu who is heading towards the election at full strength. Yet he is still insisting on being thrown forward, knowing fully well that his emergence would break the fragile party into six – if you count Nafiu’s own, which has already gone sef.
In fact, not only Atiku sef, I think even Amaechi, Obi – yes Obi and the rest of them except El-Rufai – could just be deceiving us and be working underground for Tinubu because how would these obviously intelligent people gather themselves into a wonky platform, knowing fully well that Atiku will not agree, probably waiting for Atiku to inevitably disagree and then break off when its six days to election to join other parties, thereby fooling us as Tinubu coasts to another “victory.”
My people, nothing is impossible with this Tinibu o. Remember, they don’t call him Master Strategist for nothing o. Remember how, during the APC primaries that year, the people were canvassing delegates, and our daddy was canvassing presidential aspirants – mad strategy, as all of them started stepping down like a pack of cards.
I will not be surprised if the Baba is using these ones who are masquerading as opposition against us.
In this regard, I, the honourable Duke of Shomolu, do challenge Alhaji to prove to Nigerians this April morning that he is not subtly working for Tinubu, and the only way he can do it is to step down now. Thank you.
Obafemi Hamzat: Uncertainty, Confusion and a Smile
I smile because I infiltrated Alausa during the week in my quest to really understand what is going on. Let me give some clarity. You know the true Lagos indigenes, and we have long lost hope in being part of the process of choosing the Governor of Lagos.
For those of you who do not t know, let me gist you. Choosing the Lagos Governor is exactly like choosing the Pope. Some very old men will enter a conclave and deliberate, but unlike the Vatican, when the choice is made, a certain smoke does not come out of any roof – this one, once a choice is made, the winner will rush to the nearest buka and indulge in amala and shaki and ponmo.
So, the Bourdillon caucus and the GAC will put heads together and over bottles of Schnapps, orogbo and bitter kola, consult their gods and pronounce the next governor, and all will fall in place, and merriment will continue.
Well, that is how, during the week, they told us that Hamzat was the chosen one and that one now ran to GAC to take a picture with Baba Olusi. All operatives started moving towards him. Then a signal came again that Emilokan had not approved. Confusion sets in. We started hearing that it was Tokunbo, and the Ambode people also started fighting back. In all this brouhaha, voters are busy buying okrika at Yaba market; they are neither consulted nor considered.
So, I entered Alausa to make my own investigation. Don’t forget that I had heard that Hamzat was endorsed over the Easter holidays, but my findings in Alausa show that although Hamzat is in pole position, anything can happen. Mbok, make something happen o because me, na Ambode man o.
In all of these, it is the Lagos indigenes that suffers the most because once more they are not taken into consideration. They would be left with only one governor in all the about 16 people that have governed Lagos. Sad.
Rauf Aregbesola and the ‘Judas’ in the House
Did he just call his former paddy a scammer? Kai, Rauf have gone full circle. From being Baba Tinubu’s main man to now being the arrowhead of his position. In a blistering attack during a speech, Rauf called his former partner a scammer, or did he say a party of scammers? Whatever it is he said, the man has broken ranks and has taken his fate into his hands. Over 70% of those within the APC network are like Rauf, undercover but lack the courage or have not been sufficiently provoked to break ranks. But that is not even the issue here now o. The presidency, as expected, responded with too much fire. Nothing they did not call their former oga. They threw up his “funny” administration in Osun. True, true, Rauf was contesting for worst governor ever. If Nigeria were a country, people like Rauf would not be a class monitor for a village school, let alone a governor.
Anyways, we are here now, and the Judas in Rauf is on a rampage. He joined the ADC, pivoted to serious leadership and threw shades at his former oga and former associates.
Now for me, I don’t like all this powder fighting. All this, ‘he is a scammer,’ is not doing it for me. My thirst for roforofo is legendary. If Rauf really means business and is not one of the agents sent to go and destabilise ADC, let him give us a real gist, abeg. Release very powerful secrets that you must have known as an insider, so we know you mean business – Scammer na English word, mbok in what way is he a scammer? What did he do? Show us the skeletons, we are salivating o. Kai, I can like trouble.
Wole Oshin: Quietly Engaging
This bobo is so invincible that if you see him on the road, if not for his suit, you will mistake him for a preacher. He is so quiet that you will not know that he runs what has been termed the fastest-growing financial outfit in the country. His Custodian Investments Plc just released its results. It would be paying out dividends totalling over N13billion. Their profit after tax doubled to N67.6billion, and total assets crossed the N1 trillion mark.
The last time I saw him was at Hon. Chike Ogeah’s house when we all went to pay the Ogbueshi a condolence visit at the loss of his wife Funke.
A lot of people do not know Wole; he sweetly avoids media attention while working hard to build an enduring institution. Very nice man o, with a quick warm smile and a very humble mien, but he comes to the business table with a sharp acumen, strong instincts for opportunity.
Wole made the Maddtimes Power List. He was nominated by a prominent individual who himself is a corporate titan, and nobody complained o. Nobody opposed it because we all knew the weight behind that name.
See me sounding like a praise singer, but I don’t mind praise-singing Wole because he has really done so well with his Custodian. Well done, sir.
President John Mahama: We Will Be Okay
The Ghanaian President says he has stopped sleeping because of Nigeria. The Baba says that our economic crises and insecurity problems could lead to a huge number of Nigerians running to his country. He said, imagine one million of your cousins out of the 250 million of them run to your country, so he is in constant fear, and that is why he is leaving his own economic problems to pray for us.
Now, you see, this is not his fault. Shebi it is the kind of people that have been ruling us since Obasanjo left. Our fate has continued to be on a downward spiral up till today, when we are supposed to have renewed hope. It is for this reason that a whole country whose total GDP is not up to Lagos can use this style to humiliate us like this.
It is really not his fault, and I don’t blame him. What he is saying is true. Nigerians are running away, the very rich ones within us are running to “better” countries in Europe and America, but the rest of us who cannot afford to really japa will just stroll into neighbouring countries.
So not only the Ghanaian President should go into prayers, but also countries like Cameroon, Niger Republic, Togo, Republic of Benin should also be in serious prayers. We have enough big pastors we can lend to them to join in the crusade. We continue to be humiliated and rightly so because of what we keep throwing up as leaders. Caricatures in power. Kai.
Amaju Pinnick: A Wedding of All Seasons
Last week, if you were not in Warri, go and check your social credentials. Almost everybody who is somebody from politics, business, governance, celebrity, sports and even religion was in Warri to celebrate with the sports diplomat at his daughter’s wedding.
Before you now come and ask me if I was invited, let me quickly respond to show that I am not all of your mates in this Nigeria. Yes, I was invited. In fact, not only them invited me o. Even Julian, the luxury merchant, has also invited me to his child’s wedding.
Mbok, back to Amaju, as I could not make it, I decided to go through the guest lists, and what I saw was a potpourri of power and influence in Nigeria. I have the complete list. Space will not allow me to show you guys here but you all can contact me if you really want to know. With that list ehn, Amaju can lay claim to a phenomenal network which will push a lot of influence his way.
The list was so rich that even the FIFA President, who could not physically attend, sent in a mini documentary calling Amaju “my friend and brother.”
Anyway, I wondered when I spoke to him why he did not do the wedding in London, where the couple reside and where he owns a 5-bedroom sprawling mansion, or why he did not do it in Lagos, where he commands power and respect. This was his response: “It is to show that Warri is not a cemetery where you only just come to bury people.”
Whatever his reason was, he did very, very well. Congrats, my brother, even as I wish the couple a brilliant marriage, which is the most important. Thank you.
Daniel Bwala: This is Getting
Boring
This one is behaving like a failed boxer from Shomolu. You know, when two Alagbara are fighting those days, there would be so much hype, and we would all run to the UNA Primary School at Morocco, near the Duchess’s house, for the fight. They will beat one Alagbara to a pulp, and the Alagbara will be giving these kinds of excuses that Bwala is giving. Oh, I did not eat well that day, oh, the sun is biting, and it entered my eye, oh, I have a boil in my ass, that is why. All sorts of funny excuses.
Daniel went into a fight with full confidence, and he was sorely beaten to a pulp. He ran away. Since then, it has been one Shomolu excuse after the other. He has not even let us forget the miserable outing and focus on other things that continue to plague us in this country.
He first came out with the excuse of brilliant editing, and then he said he was not totally ready. Now he is saying that he went for throat surgery immediately after the episode, as if it was the throat that was not making him think well during the interview.
Oga, abeg move on, we have more critical things to fry. Thank you.
Foluke Abdulrazaq: A Different Kind of Elegance and Brilliance
You know how they say it is a small world abi? Let me tell you guys a story. So, my guys at First Bank had said – one of our Directors is coming to see your play, please assist. I said no problem, and Oga came, and I greeted him and gave him a good seat. After the play, the protocol guy said, “Oh, Edgar, meet Dr. Abdulrazaq,” and I responded, “Oh, my brother, the Governor of Kwara State, better known as AA, is Abdulrazaq. Guess what his response was? AA is his brother! I screamed. AA is my favourite governor, and he has been very supportive of Nigerian theatre. He once invited me to his expansive office in Ilorin for a deep conversation.
Then one day, my son Alvin finished school and needed to go for a sixth form education and ended up at Bridge House, owned by…guess who? The same Abdulrasaq who came to see my show. The sad thing is that I did not realise the ownership of the beautiful and well-established school until I had finished paying the school fees because the discount I would have asked for ehn, or even claimed poverty for a full scholarship.
Anyways, Madam, who is one of the most well accomplished Nigerians, is now 70, and I was sent her profile. Mbok, you know how they say that some women don’t need to be defined by marriage, na this one o. With national honours deeply deserved and a Harvard education, she built an enviable banking career highlighted by being Executive Chairman/CEO of the Interim Board of Credit Bank Nigeria Limited. From there, she was made Commissioner of Finance and later Commissioner for Women Affairs in Lagos, from where she landed on the Board of UBA Plc and several other boards.
Let me just stop here because the accomplishments are just too much, I tell you. Let me just wish Madam a happy 70th and ask when I can send a delicious plate of afang to her. Congrats madam.
Sandra Atsagbede: A World of Magic
This story I am about to tell you guys happened in Magodo, where I have a second home. The beautiful estate was hit very recently with an event that would make Nollywood producers scrabble for rights to put the story on the screen.
Sandra is a brilliant restaurateur, minding her business and struggling with the many challenges that bedeck genuine entrepreneurs in this Nigeria. One day, over 20 youths flooded her restaurant to eat.
They had come for an interview just across the road and were asked to come and have lunch while they waited to be called in. Sandra’s staff, seeing a big business opportunity, served them very well, and they incurred a bill of N400,000.
They had been asked to drop all of their phones in the guest house just across the road, in a room rented for the purpose, since they could not take the phones and other such allied accessories into the exam room.
The over 20 youths who were seeing job opportunities quickly dropped their phones and headed to Sandra’s restaurant.
While they were eating, and unknown to them, the coordinator went back to the room and promptly disappeared with all of their phones. So, the youths not only lost their phones and other property, but they also were left with a bill in excess of N400,000. Sandra was also left with an unpaid bill of N400,000.
Luckily, they got one of the accomplices, and the case has been transferred to the state police headquarters.
This is really a sad occurrence and shows that the security at that estate is kind of loose, and I have been shouting ooo that my security is very paramount. I must be protected; that is the kernel of this story. How can over 20 people invade the estate, get their phones stolen, eat free food and the person “wey thief escape” and security are there checking for dues and harassing me for not paying.
See, I am the most important person in that estate of over 5,000 units. Nothing must happen to me o. I am saying my own now o.
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